Dirty Car Advertising

As always, I have not done a patent search or extensive research, but I did search the web for a while in an attempt to find something similar to the product/advertising technique that I am about to propose. The closest I came was Scott Wade's site DirtyCarArt.com which is where I got this beautiful rendering of Albert Einstein.

Here is the invention.

Sponge stamps of logos or website addresses that you can use to print on dirty cars with, and guess what, I actually got up from my computer and made a prototype to show my billions of beautiful readers that it can be done.

This is just an over-glorified felt cloth from OSH stapled to a piece of wood. It works fairly well. The important thing with this is not to use material that can hold too much water. I am sure that by spending more than the half an hour I spent putting this together, some of you giant corporations that have been tracking my blog or some of you Banksy apostles can come up with something much better. Maybe you can even build some sort self wetting mechanism into it like this kitchen dish brush.

You might want to look into making the stamp out of cat feet, since they seem to work very well. Just kidding.

Here is the advertising.

Either produce a sponge stamp in mass quantities and give it out to tons of little kids under the guise that they are for something else, while sending out some street teams to sponge cars around schools in the areas that you have given out the sponges to plant the idea in the kids' minds, or just send out street teams to hit up urban areas that you want to hit. Car washes should really take notice of this idea.

I know some of you are asking yourselves why I don't just take this idea and actually sell it to someone, or start a company to produce these sponges. I took the time to make a prototype etc. Why don't I actually do something with this idea? I considered it, but it is something that is so easily replicated in so many different ways, and there is a possibility that it already exists. I would have to do a patent search. Costs money. I would have to patent like a hundred variations of the design. Costs money. Then I would have to sue every street kid with a pair of scissors and the ability to make a stencil. Where do you think that would get me? The product is a bust by its self. The marketing is where it is genius.

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is good for your soul.

P.P.S. I have received some positive support from some fairly mainstream media outlets besides TBTL.

Gawker writeup
NewYorkPost.com

P.P.P.S. Only use the car sponge stamp on windows. Using it on the actual car could mess up the paint, and people will get mad.

P.P.P.P.S. I welcome any logo ideas for Ideas By Chuck. Also, feel free to make a car sponge stamp for Ideas By Chuck and go around stamping dirty cars with it.

Save The World

How would you like to win 25 million dollars?

I don't know if you have heard about Al Gore and Knight Richard Branson's Virgin Earth Challenge, but it is a competition to invent a device or process to actively reduce the levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. The prize is 25 million dollars.

Do you want to win?

Carbon dioxide is one of the major greenhouse gases. If we could reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, it would go a long way towards reversing the greenhouse effect.

Plants all around the world absorb carbon dioxide and turn it into oxygen, but a very large portion of the oxygen is actually produced by blue-green algae floating around in the ocean. There are also blue-green algae that can be found in the air, airborne algae.

My hypothesis, yes I am going to use the fancy name for an idea, is that if we seed hurricanes and tropical storms with airborne blue-green algae, we will see a significant reduction of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.

Hurricanes produce a very friendly environment for these airborne bacteria, as well as circulating and agitating the earths atmosphere. They are naturally occurring giant vacuums, sucking in air, moisture, and energy.

Moreover, the life of a hurricane is lived mostly over water, and I believe that most of the algae will precipitate out of the atmosphere before the hurricane reaches land.
In the ocean waters, the algae will either continue to produce oxygen or will be eaten and absorbed by other organisms.

I don't have a team of grad students to kick around, the money to grow blue-green algae in large quantities, fly planes over hurricanes to drop it, nor instruments to check carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. You might have these things, and you should use them to test my hypothesis and prove to judges Al Gore, Knight Richard Branson, James Lovelock, Tim Flannery, Dr. James E. Hansen, Knight Crispin Tickell, and Paula Abdul that I am right.

You can save the world and win millions of dollars. You can also show that you are a nice guy or girl by giving me some of that money, so I can go to the dentist. Problems are problems. You don't have to be a cheerleader with super powers to save the world and be a hero.

I know that not all of you, my loyal readers, are glaciologists, marine biologists, chemists, climatologists, and the like, but if you know someone who is, please pass this on to them. Don't forget to encourage them to be nice, and give me some of the prize money.

P.S. You can still subscribe to Ideas By Chuck.

P.P.S. You can also now Digg Ideas By Chuck, and it would be great if you would.

Pumping Hearts

Dating shows are very popular. Everyone can get caught up in the frenzy of an episode of MTV's "Next," every episode trashier than the "Next." The key is a finding a new angle to approach love, dating, and the human condition, to serve up the anticipation and drama of a first encounter on a fancy new serving dish.

Guess what I have for you.

Guess.

Yeah, a fancy new serving dish - dating at the gym.

I would call the show "Pumping Hearts."

Three guys and three girls would be guided through new work out routines, being paired up and split up by the host, a charismatic personal trainer - Greg and Susie on the stairmasters! Trip and Heather doing crunches! Patric and Channel stretching! NOW Switch! You get the idea.

Of course there would be one on one interviews at the water cooler.

Each show would consist of two sets of guys and girls. In the first segment, the girls would compete in a physical challenge to see who gets to pick a partner first, second, and third. In the second segment, the guys would compete.

Finally, all the couples would compete against each other in a physical challenge. The winners get a dream vacation.

Wrap up interviews.

The thing to really push when you are pitching this to your bosses at powerful reality show production companies is the fact that there can be tons of product placement, such as new exercise machines, sports drinks, apparel, supplements and the likes. There could even be guest instructors plugging books and DVDs for aerobics, palates, yoga, or any other new workout craze such as pole dancing.

You can get this going! And...Get it going! Get it going! Lift! Lift! Lift!

And...

Grapevine! Grapevine! Grapevine!

P.S. Subscribing to IdeasByChuck.com can make your life awesome.

P.P.S. I was on the radio recently talking to radio personality Luke Burbank about some of my ideas. You can check out the podcast here or if that doesn't work out for some reason, you can go to TBTL.net

Angled Pen

I am sorry to say that I am on some sort of strange office supply kick at the moment. I am not sorry to tell you about this idea though.

The angled point pen is what I am putting on the table.

Many people don't know this about me, but I am an artist. I draw and paint. My favorite medium is ink pen on paper. I do alright with the regular pen, but if this angled pen existed, one could hold it like charcoal or conte crayons and use the whole arm to draw, as is recommended by art teachers everywhere.

I think that I made the angle in my prototype graphic slightly greater than it would need to actually be, but I didn't want to risk it not being evident.

If I had this pen to use...

If you had this pen to use...

If this pen existed, imagine what beauty could be brought about. I could use it to create even more amazing works of art than, "Fat Man With Cheese Burger."

Don't you want more beautiful art like this in the world? My favorite brands are Pilot and Uni-Ball, so if you know anyone at either of these companies who designs pens, please tell them about this idea. Otherwise, you could get together the capitol, start your own pen company, make millions, and be my patron.

The pen is mightier than the sword. Think of this pen as the scimitar of pens, sharp and sexy.


P.S. You can subscribe to my blog, and you may subscribe to my blog.

P.P.S. You can comment on my blog, and you may comment on my blog without giving your name, email, or any other information. It's fun and easy.

P.P.P.S. My older blog posts are just as fun to read as the new ones.

P.P.P.P.S. Why haven't computers make post scripts obsolete?

Magical Binder

Have you ever been trying to write something in a three ring binder at 3am in a bog, you don't have a table to sit at, and the binder is on your lap?

Oh, you accidentally spread your legs an inch too wide and the binder folds up and falls through your legs and into the mud.

Okay, maybe you are a lawyer or a teacher and you are always in an office with a desk, but there are other people out there who write in three ring binders and don't always have a nice little desk to sit at.

Lets cut to the chase. I don't have all the plans drawn up, you will have to spend the half hour figuring out the best way to make this a reality, but someone should produce a three ring binder that locks open, creating a rigid plane of productivity.

If someone came up with this binder tripod thing, I think that one of my millions of readers can come up with a binder that will stay open until you want to close it.

Get out there and perfect this, produce it, sell me one, sell a million others, and give me a little bit of money to say thanks.


P.S. Subscribers to my blog are .07% less likely to get hit by a car, so what are you waiting for? Subscribe.

Absolutely Fabulous Movie

I think it is time for an AbFab movie.

What the hell is AbFab?

AbFab or Absolutely Fabulous was a BBC sitcom that has a global cult following of awkward high school drama girls, and gay men. I went through an awkward high school drama girl phase, so I have seen most of the episodes even though I am a straight man.

Why make a movie?

Slutty middle aged women and alcoholic mothers are so in right now. Just look at Britney Spears and "Sex and the City." And Patsy and Edwina were the original martini guzzling women of the small screen. Plus, all those high school drama girls and gay men, even though they are all grown up now, still crave more AbFab.

Lucky for you millions of writers out there who read my blog for inspiration and ideas, I have written a synopsis for the movie. Here it is.

Logline: Patsy and Edwina go to Hollywood.

Synopsis: Patsy and Edwina are lost at sea when the cruise ship they were on sinks. Saffy, Edwina's daughter, takes the money from a sizable life insurance policies that she had taken out on her mother and Patsy, and moves to Hollywood to pursue a career as a screen writer.

Five years later Saffy is riding high in Hollywood. One of her screen plays, "Summer's Song: Winters Poem," has been produced and received critical and box office success. Based on that success Merchant/Ivory is producing her next script, "Remnants of Endlessness," with an all star cast.

The day before "Remnants of Endlessness," is to begin shooting, Patsy and Edwina show up on Saffy's doorstep. They were never on the cruise ship. In a drunken haze they had boarded a Greek oil barge that was subsequently attacked by pirates. They spent the previous five years as opium addicted sex slaves on a Cambodian pirate ship, which neither of them seem too upset about.

Saffy is happy to see her mother for about a split second before they start destroying her life.

Patsy and Edwina insist on parts in her film and run a muck in Hollywood seemingly destroying Saffy's movie and career.

Luckily, everything works out fine in the end with Saffy's movie, but she ends up in her own personal hell, as Patsy and Edwina have gotten so much paparazzi attention that VH1 gives them their own reality show.

Get out there and write the script before someone else does. We need some new and better rehashing of British TV. Even though the last fifteen minutes of "Mr. Bean's Holiday," are amazing, we need something better, something drunker, something AbFab.

P.S. Subscribing to my blog cures the common cold.

iScratch

I have to admit that I am probably not the first person to think about this, but since I have so many software developers and venture capitalists reading my blog, I feel like it is my duty to throw it out there and make it happen.

I present to you...the iScratch program for the iPhone.

Imagine a program that would let you use your iPhone touch screen to scratch and mix music on your iPhone.

It could probably be linked to your computer, speakers, etc. via blue tooth if anyone wanted to use it to really perform. Also, users' blue tooth headsets could be incorporated as well as hands-free microphones. Sure you wouldn't get much amplification from your iPhone speakers, but there could be looping and sound modification features. Don't you want to sound like Dr. Claw while you give shout outs to everyone in the laundromat?

Sex Sells Stuff

Sometimes I feel like one of the scientists that invented the atom bomb. I have ideas that are so brilliant, yet terrible. I wonder if I should keep them to myself, but then I remember that these ideas are marketing ideas, and eventually some terrible person with no ethics will think them up on their own.

This is one such idea.

A few years ago I read an article about the energy drink explosion. Everyone and their brother was trying to cash in on and chisel away small percentages of Red Bull's billion dollar energy drink market. The big boys such as Coca Cola and Pepsi were making headway, but so were smaller start-up drink companies. You can't turn around today without seeing a new energy drink with bombastic name, wanting to put it's self in your face. The article highlighted one such company, and my mind started moving.

What advantage does a small independent company have over giants like Coca Cola or Pepsi?

Where can this company go that the giants can't, like a flea hopping merrily through the crack under a door, leaving the wolf outside in the cold?

Suddenly it came to me.

Porn.

Product placement in pornographic films.

The big boys like Coca Cola and Pepsi can't do it. They can't have their names attached to pornography. KFC might be "finger licking good," but that is as far as the licking goes at PepsiCo. You can "do the Dew," but you can't do you know who. These companies have too many other brands, labels, and divisions to ever even think about getting involved in porn and tarnishing their image, but the small guys, the start-ups, the boot-licking-nobodies have nothing to lose.

I thought, and still think that energy drinks are a perfect fit for product placement in porn, but it could work just as well for many other adult oriented products such as alcohol, guns, clothing, pizza, and condoms. These are all things already incorporated into porn story lines. Haven't you ever wondered why no condom makers put the money into buying product placement in porn?

Okay, maybe I am the only one who has thought about it, but I know I am not the only one that has ever watched porn. Billions of men and some women around the world check an occasional skin flick...every day. Billions of people is a lot of people. Imagine all those people seeing your product and associating it with sex. Sex sells stuff.

Furthermore, people are more likely to watch porn over and over again. I am willing to bet large sums of money that "Blow Job Impossible 4" got more repeat views than "Mission Impossible 3."

Moreover, the best thing about product placement in porn is that love is an international language. Just like action movies, pornographic films transcend, no, demolish language barriers. A roundhouse kick is a roundhouse kick in Japanese, German, or English. I don't know how to say BJ in Russian, but I don't have to, to watch a porcelain skinned mail order bride give the gift of one.

The pornographic film industry has been giving away plugs for years with major results, but no one has seemed to catch on to the fact that Debbie made the Dallas Cowboys into contenders or that Ron Jeremy was responsible for middle aged men being into video games.

If you have a product or a service that you don't care about church groups rallying against, get out there and do some hardcore product placement in the most wide open, spread wide open, waiting for it, media market on earth. Being first has it's advantages. If you are the first company to use product placement in porn as a marketing tool, you will find yourself at the center of a hurricane of free press and publicity. Go get em tiger!

P.S. Here is an idea. Subscribe to my sexy blog. I don't have a real-deal job where I can dateup (flip it and reverse it) my blog on a regular basis from my throne, so you should subscribe and get told like a bad boy every time I update. Just an idea.

Magnetic Cleaning

The stupid inventions are always the ones that make tons of money. The hamster ball has made the inventor millions. Do you wish that you had a stupid invention to perfect, patten, and produce? Well, today is your lucky day. I have just such an invention for you, the magnetic windshield cleaning system.

Don't you hate trying to reach your hand down into those hard to reach places on the inside of your car windshield? There has to be an easier way!

Now there is.

The magnetic windshield cleaning system. One magnet with cleaning pad goes on the inside. One magnet goes on the outside. Move the magnet on the outside and magneto-magically the magnet on the inside moves.

Windshields that might have taken up to five minutes to clean before, now take only minutes!

All kidding aside. I think that someone could make a ton of money off of this idea. The same concept has been employed to clean aquariums for years.

Don't be a fool. Make money the magneto-magical way!

P.S. Here is an idea. Subscribe to my blog. I don't have a normal job where I can update my blog on a regular basis from my throne, so you should subscribe and get notified every time I update. Just an idea.

Deep Fried Gold

Do you want to open a restaurant? Well, you are going to need a good concept. Guess what. I have one.

Here it is.

A restaurant that only sells deep fried nuggets/bite sized morsels of food. The nuggets are sold by the pound, and everything is the same price per pound. The customer wants a pound of deep fried okra or a pound of deep fried chicken nuggets, it costs the same.

The genius part of this is that a huge amount of the weight of fried foods comes from the oil that they are fried in, and even canola oil is very cost effective.

There would be a staple 10-15 foods that would be on the menu year round along with 5-10 seasonal items that would rotate, deep fried avocado to deep fried tofu, deep fried green beans to deep fried corn nuggets. There would even be deep fried mini candy bars and ice cream for desert. Of course there would be French fries.

I know what you are thinking. Fried food is bad for you. People won't go for it.

Fried food is bad for you, but it tastes soooooo good. People love fried food, and if you tell someone that they can get their favorite fried food on tap every single day, they will show up and drop cash. Plus, it probably wouldn't be that hard to make half the menu vegan, not just vegetarian, but vegan. Those vegans will eat anything vegan no matter how bad it is for them.

P.S. Here is an idea. Subscribe to my blog. I don't have a normal job where I can update my blog on a regular basis from my cubical, so you should subscribe and get notified every time I update. Just an idea.