Zingerade Spicy Lemonade

Do you want to start your own bottled drink company, but you're worried that the market is saturated? There are tons of teas, tonics, sodas, sport drinks, colas, waters, ales, punches, potions, and elixirs out there on the market. Where could you possibly fit in? What kind of market share could you possibly hope to dig out of that mountain of refreshment?

You have your heart set on starting your own drink company don't you? Don't you? Yes you do. Yes you do. Don't you?

Lucky for you, you know me, and I can tell you a drink that no one is bottling, no one is marketing, no one is selling, and yet hundreds of thousands of people are drinking. What is it?

The master cleanse lemonade, made from lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and of course, water. If anyone is selling this pre-made, I can't find it. I would brand it "Zingerade." Zingerade.com is available, it sounds cool, and conveys the general vibe of the product. It is slightly cliche, but so was Powerade, and that was put out by CocaCola. Give me a couple of million bucks and I will come up with a better name (that is an offer for CocaCola too).

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that the master cleanse lemonade sounds really gross. Well, it is actually pretty good. I have never been on the master cleanse, but for some reason every woman that I know tries to do it at least three times a year. Most of the time they fail, but I have had many chances to taste the spicy lemonade, and I like to take chances. It has a definite zing and a taste that just keeps giving. A unique flavor is hard to find, but this is one that is sitting right there giving you the finger.

Even if it tasted like total crap, it has medicinal properties. We all know that if you tell people something is good for them, it can taste like poop mixed with tartar sauce, and they will still drink it or eat it. Cayenne pepper quells hunger and boosts your metabolism. You don't have to be on a seven day fast to want to drink something that will stop you from eating seven twinkies between lunch and dinner while helping you burn more calories.

The convenience of this drink would attract anyone doing the master cleanse, and though it might sound crazy, there are tons of people out there not on the master cleanse or trying to lose weight who would drink Zingerade. People who smoke or drink heavily crave spicy foods because their taste buds have been killed off (I know all you drinkers are already thinking about what this would taste like mixed with vodka). Why do you think Bloody Marys are so popular?

Even if you hate the product just think of the marketing campaigns.

"Spice up your lemonade! Spice up your life! Zingerade!"

"Zingerade! The Juice with real Juice!"

"Jump-Start Your Lemonade! Zingerade!"

"Drink Zingerade or DIE FAT AND ALONE!"

You don't have to be a genius to see that this has some real potential. Make this idea happen. Make some money. Make your bed. Make out a check to me for two million dollars.
P.S. You really should subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. If you don't who will?

P.P.S. Zingerade and vodka is great.

P.P.P.S. If I can follow a chair that reports every time someone farts on it, you can follow me. Click here.

Sex Sells Stuff

Sometimes I feel like one of the scientists that invented the atom bomb. I have ideas that are so brilliant, yet terrible. I wonder if I should keep them to myself, but then I remember that these ideas are marketing ideas, and eventually some terrible person with no ethics will think them up on their own.

This is one such idea.

A few years ago I read an article about the energy drink explosion. Everyone and their brother was trying to cash in on and chisel away small percentages of Red Bull's billion dollar energy drink market. The big boys such as Coca Cola and Pepsi were making headway, but so were smaller start-up drink companies. You can't turn around today without seeing a new energy drink with bombastic name, wanting to put it's self in your face. The article highlighted one such company, and my mind started moving.

What advantage does a small independent company have over giants like Coca Cola or Pepsi?

Where can this company go that the giants can't, like a flea hopping merrily through the crack under a door, leaving the wolf outside in the cold?

Suddenly it came to me.

Porn.

Product placement in pornographic films.

The big boys like Coca Cola and Pepsi can't do it. They can't have their names attached to pornography. KFC might be "finger licking good," but that is as far as the licking goes at PepsiCo. You can "do the Dew," but you can't do you know who. These companies have too many other brands, labels, and divisions to ever even think about getting involved in porn and tarnishing their image, but the small guys, the start-ups, the boot-licking-nobodies have nothing to lose.

I thought, and still think that energy drinks are a perfect fit for product placement in porn, but it could work just as well for many other adult oriented products such as alcohol, guns, clothing, pizza, and condoms. These are all things already incorporated into porn story lines. Haven't you ever wondered why no condom makers put the money into buying product placement in porn?

Okay, maybe I am the only one who has thought about it, but I know I am not the only one that has ever watched porn. Billions of men and some women around the world check an occasional skin flick...every day. Billions of people is a lot of people. Imagine all those people seeing your product and associating it with sex. Sex sells stuff.

Furthermore, people are more likely to watch porn over and over again. I am willing to bet large sums of money that "Blow Job Impossible 4" got more repeat views than "Mission Impossible 3."

Moreover, the best thing about product placement in porn is that love is an international language. Just like action movies, pornographic films transcend, no, demolish language barriers. A roundhouse kick is a roundhouse kick in Japanese, German, or English. I don't know how to say BJ in Russian, but I don't have to, to watch a porcelain skinned mail order bride give the gift of one.

The pornographic film industry has been giving away plugs for years with major results, but no one has seemed to catch on to the fact that Debbie made the Dallas Cowboys into contenders or that Ron Jeremy was responsible for middle aged men being into video games.

If you have a product or a service that you don't care about church groups rallying against, get out there and do some hardcore product placement in the most wide open, spread wide open, waiting for it, media market on earth. Being first has it's advantages. If you are the first company to use product placement in porn as a marketing tool, you will find yourself at the center of a hurricane of free press and publicity. Go get em tiger!

P.S. Here is an idea. Subscribe to my sexy blog. I don't have a real-deal job where I can dateup (flip it and reverse it) my blog on a regular basis from my throne, so you should subscribe and get told like a bad boy every time I update. Just an idea.