Saturday, September 27, 2008

Soul Man 2

I don't think that this could possibly be produced, released, and distributed before this year's presidential election is over, but I think that the time is right for C. Thomas Howell to revive his famous character Mark Watson, AKA The Soul Man, for "Soul Man 2: Black To The White House."

Logline: "Soul Man" meets Barack Obama's campaign meets "Tootsie" meets "Tropic Thunder."

Synopsis: An older, wiser Mark Watson (C. Thomas Howell) sets out to prove to his wife Sarah Walker (Rae Dawn Chong) that a black man can become President of the United States. The only problem is that on such short notice, the most qualified black man he can find is himself.

His bid for election gets off to a rocky start, as Sarah and his campaign manager Professor Banks (James Earl Jones) don't completely agree with his method to prove equality.

His opponent, Graham Wellington (William Shatner) , suspects something fishy is afoot, and it isn't just the fish fry fundraisers that Watson is throwing. A spy in Watson's camp spills the beans and Wellington exposes him in their last debate.

This, of course, backfires and everyone happily votes for the white Watson, handing him one of the most decisive political victories in history.

I think you can probably get some funding from The National Endowment for the Arts, the Harvard Law Review, The National Lampoon (given that there is the promise of boobs on the DVD box cover), and Soul Glow.

Sure, my synopsis is a little rough around the edges, but the fact that the first "Soul Man" was produced is proof enough that, with a little elbow grease and shoe polish, you can get this made.

Get out there, and get funky.

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Monday, September 22, 2008


People love candy. We love to chew it, lick it, crunch it, and stick it in our mouths.

More specifically, we love chocolate. We love it. We love it. We love it, because it loves us.

Chocolate has been proven to trigger some of the same reactions in the human body as passionate kissing and feelings of love. Chocolate has also been proven to have various other beneficial health effects, so a little bit of chocolate is a good thing.

The problem is that sometimes this confusion of passion and calories gets people in trouble. We start eating a box of chocolates and can't stop. They keep calling to us like little, delicious, ebony, bitch, sirens, and we keep succumbing, sticking them in our mouths, and letting them do their damage on our hips, and fatty, fat, fat stomachs. We eat the whole bag, and then feel just as much remorse and shame, as the night after a drunken sex fest with a girl who turns out to be missing three toes on her left foot. You know what I am talking about.

This is where the Choco-Lock-Box would come in handy.

It would be a candy dispenser that would only dispense one or two pieces of chocolate or some other candy in a 24 hour time period.

You would fill it up, lock it up, and it would keep you on a strict candy ration, and you would only be able to open it again when all the candy was gone out of it.

I think that this is the little bit of self control help that most of us need, so get out there and invent it, sell it, make a million dollars, and send me some of that money, so that I can get a chick with all her toes...metaphorically speaking.

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Springer Town

The world loves Jerry Springer. I love Jerry Springer. His show is a mirror on America that we can all examine ourselves in, shake our heads in disapproval, and pretend that the reflection isn't that, a reflection.

Some sort of twisted narcissism is what keeps us coming back for more, more Springer. We can't get enough Springer.

Here is my idea. Give us more Springer! Give us SPRINGER TOWN!

Someone, maybe one of my billions of readers, needs to produce a show very similar to Kid Nation(click the link if you don't know what Kid Nation is.), but instead of kids, all the contestants would be past Jerry Springer Show guests, a ghost town repopulated by Jerry Springer guests.

Jerry Springer could be the mayor trying to guide them towards harmony and a successful community, just like when he was the mayor of Cincinnati.

There would be a town council and tasks that they would need to accomplish to survive.

The prize each week would be the same as on Kid Nation, a gold star to represent a college fund.

Almost everything would be just like Kid Nation, but to spice things up a little, there would be paint ball guns thrown into the mix. High Noon Springer style! Also, they would be given the tools and knowledge to brew their own beer. Most of them probably already know how to brew crystal meth, so that shouldn't be much of a challenge for them.

I can hear the chant now.

Can you hear it?

Mayor Jerry! Mayor Jerry Mayor Jerry! Mayor Jerry! Mayor Jerry!

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P.P.P.S. Having Taylor from Kid Nation on this show too would not be such a bad idea.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Fast Forward Commercials

I was watching TV the other day - digital cable.

I had paused the program that I was watching for long enough that I was able to fast forward through most of the commercials.

I haven't really ever taken full advantage of this option. Maybe I like to watch the commercial, or maybe I am just a moron, conditioned to watch commercials. Either way, this was one of the first time I basically fast forwarded through all the commercials.

It got me to thinking, and guess what. I had another advertising idea. Yep, I had an idea.

Someone needs to produce some commercials specifically designed to be fast forwarded.

My initial thoughts on this are that the commercial should basically be either simply the company logo or an intriguing image. Basically, I would take print advertising and put it on TV.

This use of a static image combined with longer ad spots - 1min or longer instead of 20sec or 30sec spots - will get people's attention. They will check to see that they are still hitting fast forward and might even stop fast forwarding, thinking that it isn't working or something weird is going on.

I was also thinking that you could make a similarly visually dynamic commercial with movement. It would be in slow motion unless you were fast forwarding it. Sound is lost with fast forward, so it would need to be very visually dynamic.

The audio for these commercials could be either a mantra like, "Drink Coke," or just some music.

Mantras work. Just ask the people at Head-On. You apply directly to forehead.

The great thing about either of these concepts is that, at first, they will get attention whether viewers are fast forwarding or not, because they will be so different from the slick, fast paced, and cutty commercials that we are used to.

I really hope some of you advertising creatives out there take this idea and run with it. I can't wait forever for you to start your own super cutting edge advertising firm and hire me as a consultant.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

P.S. Why haven't you subscribed to Ideas By Chuck? Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

Friday, September 5, 2008

Toothpaste Gum

I'm sure some of you are already shaking your heads.

Many gums have been released with claims that they will clean your teeth and that chewing gum is good for your teeth.

There is some truth to this. Chewing gum can knock loose food particles stuck between your teeth, and encourages your mouth to generate saliva etc., but in the end, chewing gum is bad for you. Chewing gum all the time makes you grind your teeth, and grinding your teeth is bad for your teeth. Just ask my teeth, or have your teeth ask my teeth.

Here is my idea: Chewing gum with toothpaste in the middle similar to Dentyne Flavor Blast gum.

You would chew the gum for only a minute or two and then spit and rinse. The toothpaste would be Crest or Colgate or one of the other major brands that have sprung up, so you would get the advantages of fluoride and all the other things that they have jazzed toothpaste up with, and because you have toothpaste in your mouth, you won't want to chew the gum for super long, which is what makes you grind your teeth.

If you work for a gum company or for one of the major toothpaste brands, listen up, because this is a win, win situation. The gum company will sell more gum because you chew it for less time. The toothpaste company sell more too via the gum. Moreover, the citizens of the world will have better looking and healthier teeth.

This could even end up helping out other industries, such as the makers of beef jerky. Think about it.

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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Cart Cowboys

I am sorry if any of you, my billions of loyal readers, thought that I had run out of ideas, or that something terrible had happened to me.

Have no fear. I was just taking a little Labor Day break to revel in the Frankenstein's Feelings breakthrough.

I am back with a great idea for any of you aspiring documentary filmmakers or reality TV bandits.

The idea: Cart Cowboys, a documentary/reality show about the men that lay their lives on the line to keep shopping carts in the parking lot of your local super market.

Many of you may not be familiar with the wandering shopping cart, but in my neighborhood they are all over the place, and stray carts have been multiplying in number as gas prices rise.

Sometimes they are befriended and taken care of by homeless people, but many time they are just left abandoned by the side of the road.

Luckily there are men out there, cowboys in their own right, who ride our streets and bring the stray carts back to the fold.

They are cowboys alright, cart cowboys, and I want to hear their story, so get out there and make a riveting documentary or a tacky Cops style reality show about these brave men.

FUN FACT: Shopping carts cost around $150.00 retail.

If someone can make a documentary entirely about a font, I am sure you can make a compelling and interesting documentary about Mexican guys who drive around in beat up trucks collecting shopping carts, fighting homeless, and dealing with the new technologies of an ever changing world (i.e. magnetic cart break anti-theft systems).

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