Monday, September 22, 2008


People love candy. We love to chew it, lick it, crunch it, and stick it in our mouths.

More specifically, we love chocolate. We love it. We love it. We love it, because it loves us.

Chocolate has been proven to trigger some of the same reactions in the human body as passionate kissing and feelings of love. Chocolate has also been proven to have various other beneficial health effects, so a little bit of chocolate is a good thing.

The problem is that sometimes this confusion of passion and calories gets people in trouble. We start eating a box of chocolates and can't stop. They keep calling to us like little, delicious, ebony, bitch, sirens, and we keep succumbing, sticking them in our mouths, and letting them do their damage on our hips, and fatty, fat, fat stomachs. We eat the whole bag, and then feel just as much remorse and shame, as the night after a drunken sex fest with a girl who turns out to be missing three toes on her left foot. You know what I am talking about.

This is where the Choco-Lock-Box would come in handy.

It would be a candy dispenser that would only dispense one or two pieces of chocolate or some other candy in a 24 hour time period.

You would fill it up, lock it up, and it would keep you on a strict candy ration, and you would only be able to open it again when all the candy was gone out of it.

I think that this is the little bit of self control help that most of us need, so get out there and invent it, sell it, make a million dollars, and send me some of that money, so that I can get a chick with all her toes...metaphorically speaking.

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Anonymous said...

this is genius!!!
saving fatties like me from ourselves may solve americas weight problem

Anonymous said...

how about one for cigarettes but it progressively gives you less and less as from week to week
week no. of ciggies you can withdraw a day
1 8
2 7
3 6
4 5
5 4
6 3
7 2
8 1

get it? and you can load it up with the whole programs cigs so it's a one time loading

Anonymous said...

ooops that didn't display right when i hit publish. it was supposed to read
week 1 = 8 cigarettes per day
week 2 = 7 cigarettes per day

and so on

I'm new to computing. The korean foreign exchange student that was living in my mom's sewing room left her computer when she left, so they gave it to me and I'm learning. There are sooooo many weird pictures of steven tyler on this computer

Anonymous said...

I like this idea about the chocolate box Chuck.
Maybe there can be a special series called the Red Line that has a calendar feature built in. You program in your days of PMS and it dispenses 2 pieces of chocolate on those days every month for the machines safety.

Anonymous said...

Yeah if this is going to trigger rage in times of PMS I don't want it in my condo.

The other day my girlfriend started crying while we were watching America's Got Talent. I said "what's wrong" and she sobs "it's just beautiful how much talent america's got"

Then five minutes later she wouldn't talk to me claiming I was fast forwarding the tivo too far into the show on purpose just to piss her off. Then she told me that if I didn't go to Del Taco and get her
Macho Nachos I would never be in the same room with her vagina.

Then when I got back she was sitting in the same spot wearing a completely different outfit.