The Deuce

The other night, I went to a gallery opening. It was this gallery's two year anniversary show. Unfortunately for the world, I was not one of the featured artists. I doubt the art world will recognize my deep and profound artistic talent until after I am dead, but the lack of respect given to me for my art is not the point of this.

At the gallery opening, I met a guy named Chris, and together we created the next best worst reality show you have ever heard of... The Deuce.



I don't know anything about Chris, and I didn't get any of his contact info, so if you use this idea to make millions of dollars, you might have to hire a detective to give him his cut of whatever you might give me for making you rich and famous.

What is The Deuce?
The Deuce is a reality show similar to The Bachelor or Bachelorette, but with a twist- of course! The Deuce is about a millionaire bachelor trying to find love, but he needs more... more love than the average man. This millionaire bachelor is a chubby chaser- he loves BBW (Big Beautiful Women). He doesn't want to marry a woman under 200lbs - hence: The Deuce.

The show begins with 30 women arriving at the bachelor's mansion. None of the contestants are 200lbs. Through the course of the show, they must gain weight to win his love. Unfortunately, there is not quite enough food in the mansion to go around, so the women must compete and fight for every morsel.

Halfway through the show there is a weigh-in. Any of the women that are not at least 200lbs by this point, are eliminated.

The rest of the show operates basically like the bachelor. They go off to exotic locations and eat tons of exotic foods. He meets the families, obviously "weighing" his options based on the size of each woman's parents. There would be one or two differences, such as the fact that the CCB (Chubby Chasing Bachelor) hands out jelly donuts instead of roses to the Delta Burkes he wants to stay.

Not convinced that this would be a hit?

Imagine the drama! Imagine how much more dramatic each elimination would be. These women have put on 50-60lbs to be with this man. Not only are they being rejected, being sent home, but now they have added "plus" to their size. DRAMA!

Still? You still don't get it?

Think of the tie-ins and spinoffs possible! If NBC picked this show up, they could do a season of The Biggest Loser starring the women that were rejected by the CCB. The Biggest Loser: Biggest Losers Edition. Or all the losers could automatically become part of an online campaign for Weight Watchers, documenting their return to fitness. This show could draw on a whole host of sponsors that have been excluded from the genre, such as Lerner's and Krispy Kreme.

Okay... Are you serious? You still don't see this being a mega hit? For REALZ?

How angry do you think all the feminist and health forward groups would be? There will be a firestorm of anger and criticism ignited by the announcement of the addition of this show to your Wednesday night lineup. Soooo much free publicity! Soooo much! Remember how mad people got about Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire? Remember how upset all the Magicians got when their secrets were revealed? Remember? Those were just drops in the bucket! This is a John Candy Cannon Ball!


This is a huge hit waiting to happen, HUGE! Please make it happen, and when it is a mega hit, send me some money. And look... if you are really worried about backlash, you can label the show as being, "from the twisted mind of Chuck McCarthy," and blame it all on me... and Chris, if you can find him. Chris came up with the name. The Deuce!

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P.P.S. Have you checked out ChuckMcCarthy.com?

P.P.P.S. I truly understand that this is a step backward for humanity, but if you ever played much football (soccer), you know that sometimes you have to go backward before you can go forward.

P.P.P.P.S. I am on Twitter - @ideasbychuck

Choco-Lock-Box

People love candy. We love to chew it, lick it, crunch it, and stick it in our mouths.

More specifically, we love chocolate. We love it. We love it. We love it, because it loves us.

Chocolate has been proven to trigger some of the same reactions in the human body as passionate kissing and feelings of love. Chocolate has also been proven to have various other beneficial health effects, so a little bit of chocolate is a good thing.

The problem is that sometimes this confusion of passion and calories gets people in trouble. We start eating a box of chocolates and can't stop. They keep calling to us like little, delicious, ebony, bitch, sirens, and we keep succumbing, sticking them in our mouths, and letting them do their damage on our hips, and fatty, fat, fat stomachs. We eat the whole bag, and then feel just as much remorse and shame, as the night after a drunken sex fest with a girl who turns out to be missing three toes on her left foot. You know what I am talking about.

This is where the Choco-Lock-Box would come in handy.

It would be a candy dispenser that would only dispense one or two pieces of chocolate or some other candy in a 24 hour time period.

You would fill it up, lock it up, and it would keep you on a strict candy ration, and you would only be able to open it again when all the candy was gone out of it.

I think that this is the little bit of self control help that most of us need, so get out there and invent it, sell it, make a million dollars, and send me some of that money, so that I can get a chick with all her toes...metaphorically speaking.

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