The Deuce

The other night, I went to a gallery opening. It was this gallery's two year anniversary show. Unfortunately for the world, I was not one of the featured artists. I doubt the art world will recognize my deep and profound artistic talent until after I am dead, but the lack of respect given to me for my art is not the point of this.

At the gallery opening, I met a guy named Chris, and together we created the next best worst reality show you have ever heard of... The Deuce.



I don't know anything about Chris, and I didn't get any of his contact info, so if you use this idea to make millions of dollars, you might have to hire a detective to give him his cut of whatever you might give me for making you rich and famous.

What is The Deuce?
The Deuce is a reality show similar to The Bachelor or Bachelorette, but with a twist- of course! The Deuce is about a millionaire bachelor trying to find love, but he needs more... more love than the average man. This millionaire bachelor is a chubby chaser- he loves BBW (Big Beautiful Women). He doesn't want to marry a woman under 200lbs - hence: The Deuce.

The show begins with 30 women arriving at the bachelor's mansion. None of the contestants are 200lbs. Through the course of the show, they must gain weight to win his love. Unfortunately, there is not quite enough food in the mansion to go around, so the women must compete and fight for every morsel.

Halfway through the show there is a weigh-in. Any of the women that are not at least 200lbs by this point, are eliminated.

The rest of the show operates basically like the bachelor. They go off to exotic locations and eat tons of exotic foods. He meets the families, obviously "weighing" his options based on the size of each woman's parents. There would be one or two differences, such as the fact that the CCB (Chubby Chasing Bachelor) hands out jelly donuts instead of roses to the Delta Burkes he wants to stay.

Not convinced that this would be a hit?

Imagine the drama! Imagine how much more dramatic each elimination would be. These women have put on 50-60lbs to be with this man. Not only are they being rejected, being sent home, but now they have added "plus" to their size. DRAMA!

Still? You still don't get it?

Think of the tie-ins and spinoffs possible! If NBC picked this show up, they could do a season of The Biggest Loser starring the women that were rejected by the CCB. The Biggest Loser: Biggest Losers Edition. Or all the losers could automatically become part of an online campaign for Weight Watchers, documenting their return to fitness. This show could draw on a whole host of sponsors that have been excluded from the genre, such as Lerner's and Krispy Kreme.

Okay... Are you serious? You still don't see this being a mega hit? For REALZ?

How angry do you think all the feminist and health forward groups would be? There will be a firestorm of anger and criticism ignited by the announcement of the addition of this show to your Wednesday night lineup. Soooo much free publicity! Soooo much! Remember how mad people got about Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire? Remember how upset all the Magicians got when their secrets were revealed? Remember? Those were just drops in the bucket! This is a John Candy Cannon Ball!


This is a huge hit waiting to happen, HUGE! Please make it happen, and when it is a mega hit, send me some money. And look... if you are really worried about backlash, you can label the show as being, "from the twisted mind of Chuck McCarthy," and blame it all on me... and Chris, if you can find him. Chris came up with the name. The Deuce!

P.S. Did you subscribe? Why not? Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is one of the easiest things you can do to make your life awesome! DO IT!

P.P.S. Have you checked out ChuckMcCarthy.com?

P.P.P.S. I truly understand that this is a step backward for humanity, but if you ever played much football (soccer), you know that sometimes you have to go backward before you can go forward.

P.P.P.P.S. I am on Twitter - @ideasbychuck

Boy Meets Blogger

I am sure that all of you, my millions of fans, will remember that a while back I had an idea for a reality show staring me. Well, yeah, I know I have tons of ideas, so if you don't remember, you can click here.

Unfortunately for the viewing public, and all those would be reality show moguls nothing has come of this idea...yet.

But, since I let that idea float out into the world, like a Scooby Doo shaped mylar balloon spiraling to the heavens, I have been in contact with a bloggirl (that's pronounced blog-girl not blo-girl) named Molly McAleer or Molls. If you have been paying attention, you know she interviewed me for her web show, The Molls Show.

Now, I never met Kurt Vonnegut, but I can't imagine him not accusing me of having a brain to big for my own good. Thoughts started to swirl through my brain, thought of some sort of show about me and Molly hitting the mean streets of Hollywood like Laverne and Shirley, trying to make it our way, but in Hollywood, not Milwaukee. Well, these thoughts just kept swirling around in my brain until I finally told Molly about them...

YOU GUYS GOT LUCKY! She liked the idea, and together we came up with this:

Title: Boy Meets Blogger
Genre: Reality
Logline: The Hills meets Real World: Season 1 meets the Internet.

Back Story:

Molly McAleer and I were brought together by a plot line ripped from the pages of a terrible romantic comedy script.

Molly saw a flier for my website IdeasByChuck.com, took a picture of it, and made fun of me for it on her blog MollsSheWrote. She said that I was clearly just some guy trying to get a book deal by using budget fliers with quaint hand-drawn illustrations. My friend Mack saw her post and sent it to me along with this message, "This girl saw your ad. She is famous on the internet."


I found Molly on Twitter, and asked her if she had even looked at my website. She hadn't, so I bugged her until she checked it out.

When she finally really read my site and discovered that I am pretty famous on the internet too, she asked to interview me for her web show. I said yes, and made her a $5000 tshirt to show that there were no hard feelings.

We finally met in real life, hit it off, and discovered that we had a lot in common... way too much in common...


Synopsis:

Boy Meets Blogger would be about internet personalities, Chuck McCarthy and Molly McAleer teaming up to create new, high concept blogs (think stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) and other internet projects in an attempt to land a book deal or something even bigger...

Research for these new blogs would take them from the mean streets of LA to Hollywood clubs, dive bars, and car parks and everywhere in between, while revealing the day to day drama of their lives that will whip audiences into a frenzy of speculation over their relationship... Is there something more than friendship there?


Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, I know, pure gold right? This show has the two things that people are looking for these days, web ties and awesomeness.

Take this idea and run with it! Make it happen! If you need something to pass around to get people excited about this, you can send them BoyMeetsBlogger.com.

P.S. Subscribe to ideas by chuck before there are too many people on the internet and we stop letting people in.

P.P.S. Go Go Lucky Pants! You know what I am talking about.

P.P.P.S. Have you checked out decepticondoms.com?

P.P.P.P.S. I am on twitter now. @ideasbychuck. I promise that even my inane chatter is still fairly amusing.

Intimidating Uncle

I know you have all been waiting for yet another reality show idea from me. Guess what. I was waiting for another reality show idea from me too, and as luck would have it, I had one... I had one in my back pocket all along and didn't even realize it until just now.

As some or all of you, my billions of adoring and sexy readers, know, I have another blog called Intimidating Uncle, where I basically bring down the law on little kids. I play the roll of the Intimidating Uncle.

You know the Intimidating Uncle, the uncle who always said things to you that you only half-way understood but could tell from the tone of voice that they were either blatantly or mildly insulting, the uncle who wouldn't take any of the crap you would get away with around your parents, the uncle who didn't believe in unconditional love, the uncle who intimidated the crap out of you (in some families this roll is played by a close family friend).

Here is the idea: Intimidating Uncle the reality show.

Title: Intimidating Uncle
Genre: Reality
Logline: Super Nanny meets Wife Swap meets Uncle Buck.



Synopsis: Parents are sent on a vacation for a week leaving their children in the care of an uncle, an Intimidating Uncle, giving the uncle a chance to bring his brand of discipline down on the children. The Intimidating Uncle tries to whip the kids into shape, the parents get a much deserved break.

This has smash hit written all over it because it is basically playing off the same formula as several other very popular shows like the ABC hit shows Super Nanny and Wife Swap, but it also has the advantage of being able to showcase resorts and other vacation destinations. Can you say advertising dolla dolla billz yall? Plus, if you cast the right uncles, single and moderately handsome (like me), you can broaden the shows appeal and demographic.


P.S. You better subscribe to Ideas By Chuck... or else!

P.P.S. I have to thank my friend Ben for pointing out/opening my eyes to this idea. If you want to produce this, you should bring him on as a co-producer. He knows his stuff, and he is somewhat of an intimidating uncle himself.

P.P.P.S. I am still doing things on Twitter. Follow me if you want to - @ideasbychuck

America's Goth Talent

Do you feel as if the spirit of Amalasuntha has forsaken you? Well, you aren't the only one. But thy luck is bound to change before the feast of the Beltane, if you are able to sell NBC on my new show idea: America's Goth Talent.

Sure, you might think that there are enough talent shows on TV right now what with American Idol, America's Got Talent, Dancing With The Stars, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, Who Wants To Be A Super Hero, and many others already on the air, but you would be wrong (sorry). None of these talent shows showcase talents such as ritualistic mutilation, suicide poetry, channeling demons, or endurance crying. There would be some crossover acts such as contortionists, sword swallowers, and flame jugglers, but really this would be the only place for many talented youngsters to shine, in a dark and brooding way of course.

I am not going to pretend that there haven't been shows before that have given us a glimpse into this world. Ripley's Believe It Or Not! hosted by Dean Cane definitely shined a sallow light into the dark underworlds of the goth subculture, but the it lacked the elements of competition and soul raping that the other competition shows reap and sow with every waning moon. Plus, Dean Cane, though a nice guy I am sure, came off as irrelevant, disconnected, and douchey as the host. I guess there was supposed to be a juxtaposition between Mr. Perfect and the freak-show, but it always just struck me as awkward.

I would tap Jim Rose to host the show. He has a little bit of experience with this kind of thing, and I think he can juggle.

One selling point that you can use when approaching NBC is the fact that they can use the same set and judges for America's Goth Talent as America's Got Talent. All they have to do is put some fake cobwebs up and use more spot lighting. David Hasselhoff already kind of looks like an old elven woman, the other guy has the British accent that all goth kids wish they had, and Sharon Osbourne is already practically a goth goddess.

Advertisers and sponsors would include the surgical stainless steal industry, leather, any cosmetic companies who sell cheap black eyeliner, gothic teddy bear manufacturers, colored contact manufacturers, fang manufacturers, and journal makers.

P.S. Subscribe to ideas by chuck, or I will send the demons of hell after you. Just kidding... or am I?

P.P.S. If you want to hear about the most boring and inane moments of my life, click here.

P.P.P.S. Marilyn Manson's song The Dope Show would be the perfect theme song for the show. Not just because Marilyn Manson is a major goth icon, but because it is one of his only songs that I have ever been able to listen to all the way through, and it is actually pretty catchy.

Chuck Dickens: Illiterate Trucker

This one is for all my adoring fans in the world of scripted television, for all you thousands of TV show writers and producers out there who look to me for inspiration. Whether you work for NBC, CBS, Spike TV, Comedy Central, and even PBS this one is for you.

I have created a TV show born from the smoldering bonfires of past greats such as Kung Fu, Highway To Heaven, Touched By An Angel, and Knight Rider. I have created a show that rides on the wings of a c-130 Hercules transport plane forged from the smelting of thousands of classic tales.

I give you, Chuck Dickens: Illiterate Trucker.

Chuck Dickens: Illiterate Trucker or CDIT for short, is the tale of Chuck Dickens, a long-haul trucker on the road to nowhere. He travels the land helping unfortunate souls solve their larger than life problems with his knowledge of classical literature, while all along, searching for an "ending" to his own story. The irony floweth over the damns and dikes of this epic tale, for though Chuck Dickens knows every twist and turn of every classic tale from Emma to Ivanhoe, he is completely illiterate. He cannot read. Listening to thousands of books on tape has given him the ironic knowledge of classical literature that is both his gift and curse.

Characters:

Chuck Dickens - 50's - trucker with uncanny knowledge of classical literature

Basker - Chuck Dicken's dog, a faithful Boston Terrier

Claudet - 40's - trucking company dispatcher

Karl Grendelhousen - 50's - trucker and Chuck Dicken's nemesis


Notes:

I was thinking of having him pick up a teacher named Jim Smith who has given up on life. Maybe Jim could be his sidekick, always learning something from an old, illiterate trucker.

You can rip plot lines directly from thousands of books and short stories, and it is totally fine because that is the premise of the show. Brilliant. You PBS people might be interested in playing up this fact and trying to use the show to encourage people to read.

If you are a writer, producer, or trucker, get to work.

P.S. I subscribed to Ideas By Chuck today. It was so fun and easy.

P.P.S. If you use this idea, and the show is a big hit, I would appreciate a creator credit along with some money.

Bucket List The TV Show

I haven't seen "The Bucket List," starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, nor do I want to see it. I almost needed a bucket to throw up in after seeing the trailer.

I appreciate both actors. Morgan Freeman is one of the only people in the world who can convincingly pull off a braided leather belt and jeans, and I don't think I need to make up any excuses for liking Jack Nicholson.

This might sound a little "Andy Rooney," but, I don't want to see two actors portray characters going around doing things that they wanted to do before dying, especially not actors that I know have done or will get to do everything that they could ever want.

But, what I would like to see is real old people doing crazy things that they wanted to do before they "kick the bucket."

Each episode a group of senior citizens would get a chance to live out one of their life long desires, like sky diving, riding horses on the beach, visiting Mt. Kilimanjaro, meeting the President, and other things old people want to do.

If you wanted to make it a little more dramatic, you could choose 5 people who wanted to go sky diving, and 5 people who wanted to read poetry in front of an audience, and make all 10 of them do both things.

The people who aren't scared of jumping out of a plane might be scared to get up in front of an audience, and the other way around.

If you wanted to make it really crazy dramatic, you could take 10 people, each one with a different experience that they wanted to have before "kicking the bucket," and make them all do all 10 things.

You get the right group of crotchety yet lovable old people traveling the world and fighting over who gets the arm rest, and you my friend, will have a hit show. People love old people, and they are great for reality TV because they will say anything, have strong opinions, and many times have no purpose in life, just like every single person that has ever been on the Real World since Season 3.

If you are pitching this and someone says, "No one wants to watch a bunch of old people," hit these points:

1. Golden girls - HIT Show!
2. Rudy from Season 1 of Survivor - HIT Show!
3. Andy Rooney - HIT Show!
4. Talk Sex with Sue Johansen - HIT Show!
5. Larry King Live - Hit Show!

I think Bam Margera would make the best host for this. He has proven himself as a host, he has mass appeal, and he is good with old people.

People love old people! You love your grandma don't you? Get out there and pitch or produce a TV show that she will love! Maybe she will stop asking what happened to "Murder She Wrote."

P.S. The old Ideas By Chuck are just as good as the new Ideas By Chuck. If you are new here, you should go check out my past ideas. You can't know where you are going, if you don't know where you are coming from.

P.P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck will make you feel good.

P.P.P.S. I didn't say Bam Margera should be the host just because I found that picture.