Monday, June 28, 2010

Gulf Oil Spill Silver Lining

Everything has a silver lining. The BP oil spill is no exception. Millions, if not billions of dollars are being made by PR firms, advertising agencies, and media distributors in BP's attempts to save their image. Oil companies and the US government were forced to take Kevin Costner seriously. Furthermore, though I have no data to back this up, I am sure that chocolate animal sales have gone through the roof. Now it's your turn to join the silver lining of one of the worst ecological disasters in US history, so get pumped... get oil pumped!

As some of you know, I'm an artist. I'm actually a pretty good artist. It's true. No really... seriously. Fine! You don't have to believe me. It is not important, because you don't have to be a great artist, a good artist, or have any artistic talent at all to make this idea work.

What's the idea?

Collect oil from the BP oil spill, and use it to paint giant black and brown depressing paintings... oil paintings. Then you can have a show in cooperation with someone like Greenpeace or the Audobon Society and donate a portion of the sales to helping clean up the oil spill. You will have people eating out of your hands.

Rich people love art that means something. Rich people love art that has a story behind it, especially a depressing story that makes them feel like they have experienced something more terrible than a chemical peel. Rich people love to feel like they are helping solve problems by drinking wine, looking fabulous, and buying things to fill up their mansions.

The most important thing about making this idea a success and launching your art career is giving the show an important and meaningful name and naming the pieces accordingly. Lucky for you, you know me, and I have some ideas for names.

Show titles:

Oil Paintings
Deepwater Poison
Screams of the Sea
Oil and Water
Red Black & Brown

Painting titles:

sad sea
death of a bird
bird fish dead
black gold: black death
crying over spilled oil

The really genius part of this whole thing is that you can probably get BP to buy a bunch of these paintings by telling them that one of their competitors such as Exxon is interested in buying several of them.

Do this. Become a famous artist. Make tons of money and send me some.

P.S. My mom isn't subscribed to Ideas By Chuck, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be. Click here.

P.P.S. All of my art is packed with meaning and stories, so if you are a rich person, you should buy some of it.

P.P.P..S. Did you ever think that someone would put millions of dollars into a project involving Kevin Costner and the ocean again? Also, did you know that Water World cost more money to produce than the NASA Mars Rover program.

P.P.P.P.S. I actually liked Water World. Dennis Hopper was always an amazing villain.

Monday, June 21, 2010

100 Hours of 100 Jacuzzis

Maybe you are in event planning or promotion, and though you love reading my ideas, you have always thought, "None of this is for me. I plan big concerts and events. I wish with my heart of hearts that Chuck would come up with an amazing idea for an event that I could partner with several large corporate sponsors to pull off, something like Live Aid or The Annual Boy Scouts of America Jamboree."

Today is your lucky day. You have a chance to be the person behind 100 Hours of 100 Jacuzzis: Jacuzzigeddon, the most powerful display of massaging jets of water... ever.

Sounds good, but what the hell is it?

The 100H100J would be exactly what it sounds like, a small town of 100 Jacuzzis forming streets would be constructed in an open field or possibly a giant convention center. Each Jacuzzi could be sponsored by various companies and products, and the whole event would be sponsored and presented by Jacuzzi, Tostitos, and Tecate (JTT but not Jonathan Taylor Thomas). At the center of the Jacuzzi town would be a Jacuzzi filled with cheese dip for dipping Tostitos.

Bands would play, people would mingle, people would relax, people would turn to prunes, and canoodle in and out of the warm massaging jets of the Jacuzzis.

I know you are thinking about that Jacuzzi filled with cheese dip. You want to get in it don't you? You want to get in the cheese dip Jacuzzi don't you? Well, eight lucky people would be chosen to spend the last hour of the event basking in the melted cheesiness of the cheese Jacuzzi.

What's that you say? This is going to take some time to plan?

Well, you have until 2015, the 100th anniversary of the Jacuzzi to put this all together. Also, Hot Tub Time Machine 3: Prehistoric Man Soup will probably be coming out around that time. Tell me they wouldn't want to get on board this Jacuzzi love boat. Go ahead tell me. TELL ME THAT!

That's what I thought...

Don't let this chance to make event history. Be the person to put together the 100H/100J. Be the man, and if you make more than a million dollars off of this event through advertising sales, merchandising, and licensing, please send me some of that money.

P.S. If you subscribe to Ideas By Chuck, you will get to read Ideas By Chuck for free!

P.P.S. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be me? This can help you.

P.P.P.S. I am on Twitter... yep. @ideasbychuck

P.P.P.P.S. If you help me become a famous Hollywood actor, I will be able to help you promote this event. I don't really know what you can do to help me with this. Just sayin...