Friday, June 27, 2008

The New Bob Newhart Show

Bob Newhart is one of the greatest comedians of our time. He has influenced and fathered the comedic stylings of so many comedians that listing all of them would be stupid.

He has starred in four TV shows with different variations of his name as their titles, The Bob Newhart Show, The Bob Newhart Show, Newhart, and Bob. Why not go for the gusto and bring Bob Newhart back in a fifth incarnation, The New Newhart Show?

Here is the show concept.

Bob Newhart's long lost brother Rob dies and leaves him a ski Afghanistan. Going against all his friends' advice and against good judgment, he decides to move to Afghanistan and carry the torch of his brother's dream, healing Afghanistan with comedy and skiing.

Every episode would bring a new set of problems and a flurry of washed-up-semi-famous guest stars who have somehow ended up in Afghanistan.

I want to see another Bob Newhart show. This could be the most amazing thing ever.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

School Solution

It seems like there are always budget problems with our school systems. Teachers are underpaid and under qualified.

What can be done?

Look to the past.

I have two simple solutions. First, build apartments on school district property. Not low income housing, but upscale condos. Second, make it easier for people to become teachers.

In the past, teachers were housed by the communities that they taught in. They were taken care of. Do this again. House the teachers that work at the school, at the school, and rent the other units in the building to generate revenues for the school system.

Teaching is something that you either can or can't do. We have all had teachers that couldn't inspire a bowel movement. There are many qualified people out there that would try their hand at teaching if they could do so without the red tape. People with degrees and real world experience could be teaching kids. You don't need degrees in early childhood psychology to teach kids how to read and write. You don't need special training to see a black eye and ask a kid how they got it. In the past, all you needed to have to be a teacher was knowledge and the desire to share it.

You never know were a good teacher is going to come from. I learned how to weld from a guy named Steve.

Sure, you might need some more administrative oversight, but would that be such a bad thing? Maybe if there were assistant principles or some other administrators checking in and participating in classes, we wouldn't see so many Samoan twelve year olds fathering teacher babies.

Seriously, think about these solutions, and open a dialogue with your local officials. The most important thing to learn is to learn from your mistakes. If things are not working the way they are, then we need to change them.

"Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those to whom they entrust the minds of their children a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom they entrust the care of their plumbing."

-John F. Kennedy

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Drink Or Cane

A few years back, I was interning at CAMA (Cable Advertising of Metro Atlanta). We were responsible for all the really bad commercials on cable TV. CAMA also had control of a cable channel which aired infomercials around the clock, interrupted every once in a while by two original content shows that we produced, both sports related.

One day my boss said to me, "If you have any show ideas or ideas in general, let me know."

I told him that I thought we should get the syndication rights to a Japanese show that I had seen while summering in Europe. I described the show to him and found him some pictures and information on the show. I pitched it at him hard.

My idea was ultimately dismissed and ignored.

The show was Takeshi's Castle. Two years later Spike TV premiered Takeshi's Castle under the name MXC or Most Extreme Challenge. MXC was among the highest rated shows on cable television for a while and is still one of Spike TV's signature shows. Furthermore, within the next couple of weeks several TV networks are premiering game shows based directly on Takeshi's Castle.

Why did I tell you this little story? I want you to understand that I know what people want to watch when it comes to ridiculous and painful game shows, so that when I tell you that my game, Drink or Cane, has everything that people want to see, you will believe me.

Drink or Cane is played by five contestants above the age of twenty-one who pass a physical exam.

In the first round, contestants must answer a set of fifteen increasingly difficult questions. They must answer each question within three seconds. If they answer correctly, they decide the fate of the other contestants, deciding between the other contestants all taking shots or all being hit in the back of the legs with a bamboo cane. If they answer incorrectly or fail to answer, they must then make the choice between a severe blow to the backs of their legs with a bamboo cane, and taking a shot of an alcoholic beverage. The shots and blows will be administered by sexy and scantily clad women.

The second round is all about competitive eating. Contestants have two minutes to eat as many hot dogs (or some similar item) as they can. For every hot dog that they eat they receive one second off their time in round three.

The third round is an obstacle course similar to the one on Double Dare. Everything comes down to round three. The contestant with the best time on the obstacle course wins the game.

Rounds one and two culminate to affect the third round. Contestants must, in the first round, choose between being physically diminished by the cane or alcohol. If they receive too many blows to the backs of their legs they will suffer on the obstacle course. Likewise, if they drink too much they will perform just as poorly. Similarly, in the second round, contestants have the chance to shave time off their final performance in round three, but if they eat too much, they won't be able to function well. It is hard to throw up and run at the same time. Trust me.

This is a game of strategy.

Make this game happen. It is everything that anyone could ever want in a game show. Plus, there is built in product placement. Sure you might have a hard time getting it on TV here in the US, but TV is old news, and there are no censors on the internet, at least not yet.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Internet Newspaper

There is so much stuff on the internet these days, don't you wish that there was some sort of publication that would tell you what to check out?

I think that someone could make some real money by printing a newspaper composed completely of links to websites along with a short review of each website. There would be a large amount of advertising, lots of classified ads, but all devoted to websites. Think Auto Trader with a little more content. It could even be a regional publication. Maybe you could even call it, "Links Trader."

There is so much stuff out there on the internet that you really need help finding the good stuff. Just look at my blog. It is amazing, and yet only six people have actually read it. How many other websites just like mine are out there? Don't answer that.

Seriously, how many times a day do friends send you links to websites, and how many times a day do you actually click on them? Most of the time they just slide by and they are erased when you quit out of iChat or whatever, or sink deeper into your e-mailbox never to be revisited. Print media is still around, still kicking because it has a certain amount of permanence.

Moreover, when and where do people read free publications like, "The Onion" or "Auto Trader"? You got it, at the coffee shop. And we all know that no one goes to the coffee shop in this day and age without bringing their laptop.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Obama Y Bloomberg

Barack Obama should pick Michael Bloomberg as his running mate.

Apparently, there has been some speculation on this already, so unlike most of my ideas it is not completely original or revolutionary, but I have to throw down my two cents on this one. Why? Because I think it's a good idea.

Bloomberg brings to the table undeniable name recognition, a solid record as a fiscal conservative, philanthropist, leader, and administrator. Moreover, he is successful, and has been successful both in the private sector and in his service as Mayor of New York City. His policies and decisions have been forward thinking and no nonsense.

As a financial conservative he can reach out to independents and those moderate republicans who aren't as concerned about going to heaven, as they are about being able to afford go to the Caribbean for vacation. And, there is no doubt where the Jewish supporters that were behind Hillary would place their trust.

The most nebulous pro, but possibly most important, is that Obama and Bloomberg are like to pieces of a puzzle, a puzzle that completed would cancel out anyone's attempts to dismiss their candidacy based on any kind of racial stereotyping. Sure, out and out racists will hate the ticket, but the casual bigot will find themselves in a bind trying to use racial stereotypes to argue against the them.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Seductive Slot Machine

Who plays the slots? Old women play the slots.

For some reason I was recently talking to a friend of mine about slot machines, because for some reason, I have several friends involved in the "gaming industry."

What did I come up with?

A slot machine with a built in foot massager. The massager would keep going as long as you are playing the one armed bandit. Maybe you could even call the slot machine, "Foot Loose," to tie the whole thing together.

If you are in the "gaming industry," I dare you not to use this idea!

A Golden Girls themed slot machine might do well too.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Recycling Fame

Would you like to start a business that will be both profitable and environmentally proactive?

Sure you would. You love the environment and you love money. You are one of those new "green-green" entrepreneurs.

Here is the idea. Secure a contract to handle recycling for several major production companies, Warner Bros., Universal, Paramount, etc. You can call the company "Recycling Stars."

I know what you are thinking, "These companies are required by law to recycle a certain amount of their waste, don't they already have recycling handled in house and or by independent contractors? How am I going to get them to break their current contracts?"

I'm glad you were thinking this.

You can get these contracts by severely undercutting the competition.

Why would you do this? Because you are going to recycle scripts and paper from the sets of major motion pictures, such as Michael Clayton, The Bourne Supremacy, Sex and the City, etc. into high-priced and highly collectible stationary and the like. The real money is going to come from the sales of this recycled paper.

How much do you think people would be willing to pay for high quality stationary that may have passed through George Clooney's hands in some way, shape, or form? Before you answer that, take into account the fact that someone recently paid $350,000 for a kiss from him.

I am very confident that a Ocean's 15 stationary set can be sold for close to $100, so get out there and save the environment, while making some money!