The Internet Is Killing The Economy

I think a lot. I have been thinking about a lot of things. I have probably been thinking about too many things, because there are a lot of things going on in my life right now.

One major thing that I have been thinking about, that I think we have all been thinking about is the economy.



The country seems to be slowly climbing back out of this "downturn" in the economy, but sales are slow across the board. People just aren't buying. But, wouldn't you know it, have an explanation beyond the obvious, and more importantly, a solution.

It's not just consumer confidence that is down, but more importantly, consumer desire. We as a society are not clamoring for the same endless amounts of crap to fill the holes in our souls in the same way that generations of Americans before us were.

Why?

A majority of Americans have gotten pretty deep into the internet. I know I have. Now we are filling the holes in our souls with online role playing games, social networking, porn, blogging, and a laundry list of other widgets, gadgets, and applications that are all serving to distract us from buying real stuff. For many people this "Second Life" had already quickly become a first life taking up all the time that they might have spent shopping before. All it took was this economic crisis to cement the transition from the material world where most people are losers to the virtual online universe where anyone can be a king, a queen, an elf, or even an ogre king deep in the woods.

Why blow all your money on a new car when you are getting chicks by posting pictures of Chuck Norris riding a unicorn? Why buy a new stereo system when your earbuds plug straight into your laptop and sound great? Why worry about stylish new shoes when you already have a pair that you hardly ever use?

Maybe you are saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't play no faggy nerd role playing games. I ain't all sucked into the internet." Guess what. You are. Even people like you who want to pretend like they don't play role playing games are playing things like Maffia Wars on Facebook or engaging in something similar on the NASCAR community website.


Plus, if you are reading my blog, you are probably pretty deep into the internet already.

So what is the solution?

I know that companies have been pouring hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars into the internet, jockeying for search engine rankings, developing newer, slicker websites, and paying top dollar to have these very same games created to keep people coming back to spend more time on their site and in turn see more advertising. Damn that was a long sentence, and I didn't even mention porn. If you ask me, without porn, there would be no streaming videos etc. on the internet. Long story short, a lot of money has been put into building the internet up and getting people to get on it, and you know this man. But, if companies want to see people buying real stuff again, they are going to have to rally against the internet.

I recommend PSA's, pop up windows reminding people how long they have been online, big clocks on websites, celebrity endorsements against the internet, and if you want to get shady, paying off cable and phone companies for strategic network failures, slowdowns, and or viruses... if no one could get online the day after Thanksgiving... they might just go shopping.

We have to get people off the internet and get them to the mall! Unless, that is... they are checking out IdeasByChuck.com.

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is still patriotic. Click Here.

P.P.S. I am now on Tumblr, so you can easily reblog me all over the place. Just be sure to go buy a new purse or watch afterwards.

P.P.P.S. Molly and I are still working on getting our own reality show. You aren't too late to the party. Go to BoyMeetsBlogger.com to find out more.

Drink Or Cane

A few years back, I was interning at CAMA (Cable Advertising of Metro Atlanta). We were responsible for all the really bad commercials on cable TV. CAMA also had control of a cable channel which aired infomercials around the clock, interrupted every once in a while by two original content shows that we produced, both sports related.

One day my boss said to me, "If you have any show ideas or ideas in general, let me know."

I told him that I thought we should get the syndication rights to a Japanese show that I had seen while summering in Europe. I described the show to him and found him some pictures and information on the show. I pitched it at him hard.

My idea was ultimately dismissed and ignored.

The show was Takeshi's Castle. Two years later Spike TV premiered Takeshi's Castle under the name MXC or Most Extreme Challenge. MXC was among the highest rated shows on cable television for a while and is still one of Spike TV's signature shows. Furthermore, within the next couple of weeks several TV networks are premiering game shows based directly on Takeshi's Castle.

Why did I tell you this little story? I want you to understand that I know what people want to watch when it comes to ridiculous and painful game shows, so that when I tell you that my game, Drink or Cane, has everything that people want to see, you will believe me.

Drink or Cane is played by five contestants above the age of twenty-one who pass a physical exam.

In the first round, contestants must answer a set of fifteen increasingly difficult questions. They must answer each question within three seconds. If they answer correctly, they decide the fate of the other contestants, deciding between the other contestants all taking shots or all being hit in the back of the legs with a bamboo cane. If they answer incorrectly or fail to answer, they must then make the choice between a severe blow to the backs of their legs with a bamboo cane, and taking a shot of an alcoholic beverage. The shots and blows will be administered by sexy and scantily clad women.

The second round is all about competitive eating. Contestants have two minutes to eat as many hot dogs (or some similar item) as they can. For every hot dog that they eat they receive one second off their time in round three.


The third round is an obstacle course similar to the one on Double Dare. Everything comes down to round three. The contestant with the best time on the obstacle course wins the game.


Rounds one and two culminate to affect the third round. Contestants must, in the first round, choose between being physically diminished by the cane or alcohol. If they receive too many blows to the backs of their legs they will suffer on the obstacle course. Likewise, if they drink too much they will perform just as poorly. Similarly, in the second round, contestants have the chance to shave time off their final performance in round three, but if they eat too much, they won't be able to function well. It is hard to throw up and run at the same time. Trust me.

This is a game of strategy.

Make this game happen. It is everything that anyone could ever want in a game show. Plus, there is built in product placement. Sure you might have a hard time getting it on TV here in the US, but TV is old news, and there are no censors on the internet, at least not yet.

Internet Newspaper

There is so much stuff on the internet these days, don't you wish that there was some sort of publication that would tell you what to check out?

I think that someone could make some real money by printing a newspaper composed completely of links to websites along with a short review of each website. There would be a large amount of advertising, lots of classified ads, but all devoted to websites. Think Auto Trader with a little more content. It could even be a regional publication. Maybe you could even call it, "Links Trader."

There is so much stuff out there on the internet that you really need help finding the good stuff. Just look at my blog. It is amazing, and yet only six people have actually read it. How many other websites just like mine are out there? Don't answer that.

Seriously, how many times a day do friends send you links to websites, and how many times a day do you actually click on them? Most of the time they just slide by and they are erased when you quit out of iChat or whatever, or sink deeper into your e-mailbox never to be revisited. Print media is still around, still kicking because it has a certain amount of permanence.

Moreover, when and where do people read free publications like, "The Onion" or "Auto Trader"? You got it, at the coffee shop. And we all know that no one goes to the coffee shop in this day and age without bringing their laptop.