Monday, August 31, 2009

The Internet Is Killing The Economy

I think a lot. I have been thinking about a lot of things. I have probably been thinking about too many things, because there are a lot of things going on in my life right now.

One major thing that I have been thinking about, that I think we have all been thinking about is the economy.

The country seems to be slowly climbing back out of this "downturn" in the economy, but sales are slow across the board. People just aren't buying. But, wouldn't you know it, have an explanation beyond the obvious, and more importantly, a solution.

It's not just consumer confidence that is down, but more importantly, consumer desire. We as a society are not clamoring for the same endless amounts of crap to fill the holes in our souls in the same way that generations of Americans before us were.


A majority of Americans have gotten pretty deep into the internet. I know I have. Now we are filling the holes in our souls with online role playing games, social networking, porn, blogging, and a laundry list of other widgets, gadgets, and applications that are all serving to distract us from buying real stuff. For many people this "Second Life" had already quickly become a first life taking up all the time that they might have spent shopping before. All it took was this economic crisis to cement the transition from the material world where most people are losers to the virtual online universe where anyone can be a king, a queen, an elf, or even an ogre king deep in the woods.

Why blow all your money on a new car when you are getting chicks by posting pictures of Chuck Norris riding a unicorn? Why buy a new stereo system when your earbuds plug straight into your laptop and sound great? Why worry about stylish new shoes when you already have a pair that you hardly ever use?

Maybe you are saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't play no faggy nerd role playing games. I ain't all sucked into the internet." Guess what. You are. Even people like you who want to pretend like they don't play role playing games are playing things like Maffia Wars on Facebook or engaging in something similar on the NASCAR community website.

Plus, if you are reading my blog, you are probably pretty deep into the internet already.

So what is the solution?

I know that companies have been pouring hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars into the internet, jockeying for search engine rankings, developing newer, slicker websites, and paying top dollar to have these very same games created to keep people coming back to spend more time on their site and in turn see more advertising. Damn that was a long sentence, and I didn't even mention porn. If you ask me, without porn, there would be no streaming videos etc. on the internet. Long story short, a lot of money has been put into building the internet up and getting people to get on it, and you know this man. But, if companies want to see people buying real stuff again, they are going to have to rally against the internet.

I recommend PSA's, pop up windows reminding people how long they have been online, big clocks on websites, celebrity endorsements against the internet, and if you want to get shady, paying off cable and phone companies for strategic network failures, slowdowns, and or viruses... if no one could get online the day after Thanksgiving... they might just go shopping.

We have to get people off the internet and get them to the mall! Unless, that is... they are checking out

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is still patriotic. Click Here.

P.P.S. I am now on Tumblr, so you can easily reblog me all over the place. Just be sure to go buy a new purse or watch afterwards.

P.P.P.S. Molly and I are still working on getting our own reality show. You aren't too late to the party. Go to to find out more.


ApogeeInvent said...

Why try and raise something that's on it's way to dying?

Let business go online. Let the storefronts shutter and the office buildings close- let the weeds and the trees and the grass come back to reclaim what was theirs to begin with.

The idea of money is just as intangible as the internet is, and from the looks of it everyone is seeing that there's enough to go around for everyone everywhere- the only limitation is an expectation of earning it, rather than opening a shop at the right place at the right time.

and that, if you think about it, is hardly a limitation at all.

Charles McCarthy said...

The point is not that people aren't going TO stores, but instead people don't feel the need to get the stuff at the stores. People's desire to acquire things has been appeased by acquiring virtual things... numbers of friends, numbers of followers, virtual money, tumblarity, and so on. Ask someone who is deep into the World of Warcraft what the last thing they bought was, and their answer will probably be something like, an enchanted grand broadsword from Algathorn.

I agree with you though that the global economy and money have reached a level of abstraction that has stepped off into the imaginary, and is based on nothing but faith.

Anonymous said...

e overuse of unicorn imagery is tantamount to sawing off their horns, it makes them less magical

Anonymous said...

speaking of entertainment without a price tag, seeing the image of that hotness on the scooter in this post made me wonder if anyone else enjoys standing in front of of people in wheel chairs in line at Mervyns and farting... that's something you can't do online

Anonymous said...

I saw some MTV and the new 90210 today and I'm pretty sure kids are still into material possessions.... also there were an inordinate amount of mascara commercials... how come 5,000 mascara commercials can't a blush get a 30 sec shout out every once in awhile. Actually blush does seem kind of 80s.

Anonymous said...

To the commenter above. Everyone knows mascara is second only to pizza in constant strides and reinvention, hence all the commercials.

However with the advent of the Maballine's Pulse Perfection with vibrating brush, mascara might have pulled ahead, that is until they invent a pizza you can masturbate with.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I masturbate with pizza pizza all the time. Nothing like a cold beer and a room temp dominos pasta bread bowll!

Anonymous said...

Yes well hmmm, all tom foolery aside, I re-watched Afluenza recently and it still seems relevant despite the internet, yet charmingly out of date in it's execution. Still very fun an accessible as far as pre Moore sociological documentaries go.

People are still clamoring for $300 phones and expensive gamming machines.

Although when I say I watched Afluenza, it was for free online where I watched it, hmmmm... you might have something here Charles.

Anonymous said...

WOW WEE! It just occured to me that Hollywood may have been right about something. It never made sense that people movies set in the future always had people living with very minimal possessions when in reality as time went on people collect more and more stuff. I always though characters house's should wall to wall nic-nacs and keep sakes, especially since people would be living longer and had more protected sentimental items to hand down... maybe this is the turning point, we have turned a corner on our way to Hollywood vision of the minimalist future for us.

Anonymous said...

What I meant was:
WOW WEE! It just occured to me that Hollywood may have been right about something. It never made sense that movies set in the future had people living with very minimal possessions, when as time goes on people collect more and more stuff. I always thought character's houses should be wall to wall nic-nacs and keep sakes, especially since people would be living longer and had more protected sentimental items to hand down... maybe this is the turning point, we have turned a corner on our way to Hollywood's vision of the minimalist future for us.

Sorry for the typos in the prior comment
My keyboard is sticky because I couldn't afford a pasta bread bowl tonight.

Anonymous said...

Commenter above,
You couldn't afford a pasta bread bowl tonight so what did you do? You JOed useing your computer... you have JUST proven ideasbychuck's point!

Charles McCarthy said...

I think I agree with about half of what has been said here.

Anonymous said...

dude.. pop up clocks that show how long you've been online.. GENIUS. like every hour it'll pop up. and you can even customize the window, like make it say whatever you want it to. "GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS, JOHNNY!!" or you can make it have pictures of things that will remind you of how much you suck for wasting so much time. it's like a controlled cigarette dispenser (like pez or something) that every three cigarettes you smoke taste like pure shit.

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