Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The HoverDuster


If there is one thing in this world that I hate unabashedly with great passion, it is dust. I hate dust! I hate it more than anything in my day to day life. I hate dust more than the thought of another Transformers movie.

A couple of months ago I decided to try to figure out a way to defeat dust, and thoughts of dust have been consuming my mind for the last couple of months. Dust. Dust. Dust.

Many dusty thoughts have gone through my mind in the last couple of months. I have thought of everything from a spray on shield that you could peel off your possessions like a snake shedding it's skin to simply killing everyone in the world, since %90 of dust is actually human skin... but most of my ideas seemed a bit... impractical, not to mention immoral.

Then I started thinking about the Roomba. You have all seen the commercials for the Roomba or known some single guy with too much money from winning Merv Griffin's Crosswords, who bought one to feel like he was in Star Wars.





Though I have to admit that the Roomba is much more effective and durable than it might seem, it is still only really effective for already anal people who live alone in single level apartments with hardwood floors. It's not going to deal well at all with big cereal spills, lots of dirt, shag carpet, or little kids.

But, imagine a robotic blimp duster with Roomba-like programing floating through the air, constantly dusting your furniture (if you have been working on this concept for 3 years and have written your post doc dissertation on indoor wind currents effects on autonomous robotic sensor arrays, I am sorry)! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the HoverDuster.

Maybe you don't think that a blimp can move with enough agility to do the job. Maybe you should watch this video of a flying saucer blimp narrated by a guy with a lisp.


Wasn't that cool? If this guy can make a flying saucer that can reign down business cards like manna from heaven, I am sure you can get the HoverDuster up and running... though it might take the brains of a couple of Roombas and kidnapping a couple of kids from MIT or Caltech.

If you can get the HoverDuster into stores and on sale for under $100.00 by this Christmas, you will sell millions of them. I will even buy one if you aren't classy enough to send me one along with a couple of million bucks. The Go-Duster is your strongest competition. Come on.

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P.P.S. Cameron Balloons and DragonFly are two companies to approach about teaming up to make the HoverDuster a reality.





P.P.P.S. The fact that the paparazzi aren't using this thing to get pictures of Tom Cruise making out with dudes is substantial proof that the whole clash between the paparazzi and celebrities is manufactured.

P.P.P.P.S. If you work at iRobot makers of the Roomba, you should really bring this idea up in your next meeting. If you don't, then I don't think you are smart enough to be working at a robot company.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I am taking over Twitter. Follow me.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You know who else felt that way about dust?

Howard Hughes... you know what happened to him?

He became a bizzillionaire and got to bang beautiful ladies (probably even in the digestive track excavation duct)

My point is, see if you can't catch some paranoia and with big ideas, a fear or dust and paranoia, you will me unstoppable charles, UNSTOPPABLE!

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way about ants as you feel about dust. Except my hatred comes with the guilt of knowing I'm hatting on a living thing that is just trying to score some eats for his bitch. The fact that drones are so pussy whipped make me feel even worse about killing them. I know the queen doesn't care that they are gone and had they known they were going to die they probably would have been like "get your own food skank."

Even though i win all the battles, I just can't seem to win the war against ants... i'm bigger and more powerful... it just doesn't make sense.... it's a lot like my Nam in that way.

My stepdad says they are just looking for water in the summer and not food and i'm more that willing to buy them a bottle of smart water and bring it to their ant hole if they just stay the fuck away from my george forman... i just don't know how to communicate with them to let them know

Anonymous said...

BE CAREFUL!!! NEVER LET THE ROBOTS LIVING IN THE HOUSE OUT NUMBER THE PEOPLE LIVING IN THE HOUSE. I'M WARNING YOU, THIS IS TROUBLE.

Anonymous said...

It would be lovely if your blimp could also move around the room and act out a Febreeze Scentstory (tm)

Matty Lee said...

Dude, you're a fucking genius!
And... I have an idea for you.

What idea is so good you ask?

Hoochi Momma Taxis!

Yes, right here in Los Angeles first, then Vegas, then New York.

So picture this... You're a young up and coming record, or movie executive, and your flying into LAX today. As usual, the stupid looking guy in the cheap suit is waiting for you, holding up the sign that says, "Mr. Bernstein".

Then you see this crazy hot 70's girl in hot pants with a giant afro, holding up a sign that says,
"Travis Mother Fucking Lee."

And some other young up and coming movie or music executive rushes over to her with a huge smile on his face.

Man you feel like a nerd now don't you?

But wait, it gets worse!

When you get to the parking garage and climb into your stupid black towncar, you see Travis Mother Fucking Lee, getting into a 1972, metalic brown, Dodge Demon.

Now your freaking pissed! Somebody at Sony Music or MGM Studios is going to loose their job over this right? I mean why the fuck weren't you picked up by beautiful Hoochi Mama in a hot rod?

So you get to your hotel and go to http://hoochimama.com and it gets worse! They are not only drivers, but body guards as well. And what's more? They also get you into all the clubs without waiting.

In short, Hoochi Mamas are your driver, bodyguard, and tour guide all in one. Not to mention that they are all incredibly hot.

So where do we find all these hot unemployed actresses in Hollywood?
Please! I mean it's better than porn right?

Shit, I have some more I am willing to donate to your site if you're interested.

But no disrespect, you are a fucking genius. I am just a devout fan.

please add my email to your ideas blog. It's mattylee@trashorbit.com