Megan Fox Saves The Day

This is another one of my ideas that is a little less about personal gain, and a little more about furthering mankind's journey towards the goals of humanism and building a better, stronger society. I want to make the world a better place, and I know many of you feel the same way. Think of me as an NPR underwriter with no money.

But, enough about me being a bankrupt philanthropist. I have figured out a way that California can solve it's current budget crisis, saving thousands of jobs, ensuring continued funding for social programs, and maybe helping some little kids learn how to read, because even though it is possible to teach yourself how to read, it helps to have a teacher.

Now, I know many of you are smart enough not to live in California. That's okay. I am sure that California isn't the only state with budget problems, and if your state has a lottery, you can try to make this happen there too. I am just going to use California for this post because I live here, and so does Megan Fox... not together... yet...

Here is the idea: Lotto scratch tickets featuring semi-tasteful nude photos of Megan Fox. Semi-tasteful, because everything Megan Fox does is semi-distasteful, and we love it.
You would scratch to reveal her naked body. There would be several different photos. The photos could be printed as silver holograms, so people couldn't scan or photograph them easily. Only 1 in 5 would actually show her naked body. All the others would either be winners, or you would find her in a sexy lingerie. This would encourage people to buy multiple tickets.

Of course, it doesn't necessarily have to be Megan Fox, but she is the sexy chick of the moment, and I feel like, for a couple of hundred thousand dollars, she would be interested in helping little kids learn to read. After all, if they can't read, they can't read her amazing quotes. Plus, this might help her make some friends.

"I have no friends and I never leave my house." - Megan Fox, Times of London, June 2009

Think about it. You have to be 18 to buy lotto tickets and pornography, so you wouldn't have to send out any special memos to 7-11 workers. These tickets would have a certain amount of collectibility. People who wouldn't normally buy lotto tickets would buy these for the novelty etc. California has already tried to broaden their lotto market by teaming up with the entertainment industry, selling scratch tickets featuring bands like the Seal and the Goo Goo Dolls (yeah really) and movies like Mad Money. I know that I am not just speaking for myself, when I say that I would choose a naked Megan Fox over a turtlenecked Diane Keaton any day.
Even better than expanding the market here in California, there would be a secondary market for already scratched tickets on the internet, selling to Megan Fox fans all over the world, so this would bring money into California, not just act as a voluntary tax. The collectibility factor might even lead to tickets being purchased and never being scratched.

Now, I know some people are going to have a problem with this, but those are the same people who already have a problem with the lottery. Yeah, yeah, gambling is a sin. Nudity is a sin... Oh wait... Is it? Really? Where does it say that in the Bible?

Make this happen and you will make a lot of people happy... a lot. Make it happen! Do it!

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P.P.P.S. Megan Fox, I am single, so if you ever decide you want to drop the B.A.G., look me up.

P.P.P.P.S. Sometimes, people forget to look at all my past great ideas. There could be an idea just waiting for you!

P.P.P.P.P.S. If Megan Fox won't do it, I am available.

3-D The Movie

Some people have been calling Seth Rogen the next Tom Hanks, and for a while now I have been pushing the idea that Tom Hanks and Seth Rogen will be in a movie together soon. It just seems like some movie executive's wet dream. I even made a shirt that says, "Untitled Tom Hanks/Seth Rogen Project." This is one movie idea that I think I can really will into existence, especially since it is basically like predicting that it will rain sometime in the next year.

Recently, I started really thinking harder about it and came up with a title and plot for the film. I also decided that the movie should be shot in 3-D because all the movie studios have hard-ons for 3-D because it gives people a reason to actually go to the movies again.

Title: 3-D The Movie
Genre: Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy
Logline: Be Kind Rewind meets The Majestic meets Doc Hollywood.

Synopsis: Party boy Barry Bender (Seth Rogen) is on top of the world until his trust fund's entire stock portfolio tanks and everyone abandons him. He contemplates suicide, but as he climbs out onto the ledge of his lawyer's 54th floor office, he gets a call from Jerry Reynolds (Tom Hanks), his long lost older brother that he never knew he had. Jerry explains that their father just passed away, leaving Barry half of everything he owned.

Barry travels to Bozeman, Montana for his father's funeral and to survey his newly acquired assets. Barry is feeling pretty good until he discovers that all he has inherited is half of a floundering second-run movie theater. With nowhere to go, he decides to stay in town and try to sell his half.


Barry and Jerry clash at first and Barry sticks out like a sore thumb, and wants out as fast as possible until he meets the beautiful, mysterious, and slightly nutty Shali Patel (Freida Pinto). Sparks fly, but she wants nothing to do with his party boy, do nothing lifestyle. He has to change to win her heart.

Eventually, the brothers find common ground in their love of movies and Barry comes up with a whacky plan to turn the theater around. They make every movie they show "3-D" by hiring actors from the community theater including Shali Patel and using kooky DIY special effects - spraying water on the audience during Jaws, shaking the seats during Earthquake, etc.

The "3-D" movies are a hit. People start coming from miles around to see experience their favorite old movies in this new, wacky way. It is such a big hit that a giant movie theater chain comes to town and offers to buy the theater. At first, Barry jumps at the chance to get back to his old life and says yes to selling the theater. Shali overhears him agree to the sale and storms off. Barry realizes that he would rather stay in Bozeman with her than leave. He runs after her, only to discover that she has left town, and that she is the heiress to a hotel chain fortune.

With Jerry's help, he is able to track her down, and the movie ends with him coming out on stage at a charity screening of When Harry Met Sally that Shali is attending in Hollywood. Barry professes his love for her. Jerry meets Meg Ryan, and they instantly click.


The four of them live happily ever after.

Are you ready to write this yet? Are you ready to executive produce it? Are you ready to act in it? Tom? Seth? Doesn't it have "hit" written all over it?

Selling Points:

1. 3-D! The studios love 3-D!

2. Tom Hanks and Seth Rogen get butts in the seats.

3. Using footage from old movies would save money in the production of the film, and also boost DVD sales, rentals, and downloads of those movies.

4. America is F'n jonesing to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan on screen together again.

If you decide to write the script, please give me a writer credit, and if you sell it, please give me some of the money. Actually, try to get some points. I'll take one point.

P.S. I heard that Stephen Hawking subscribes to Ideas By Chuck. Besides being paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair, don't you want to be like Stephen Hawking? Subscribe.

P.P.S. Freida Pinto is so hot!

P.P.P.S. Why do Indian women hate me?

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Gay Grizzly Adams

A while back, I started talking to a bear trainer about Grizzly Adams. As our conversation unfolded, I learned many interesting facts about this American icon. My curiosity peeked, I rushed to the internet, to my Google for more information. And, with every new tidbit of information I gathered, a suspicion, a theory, a wild and unprovable accusation grew stronger in my mind.

The more I have found out about Grizzly Adams, the real Grizzly Adams, the more and more I have come to believe that he was gay.

So what? Many great men in history were probably gay, so why do I care about Grizzly Adams? Because! Silly! Operating on this assumption, you have the foundation for one of the greatest gay Hi-jinx movies ever! Move over Priscilla Queen of the Desert! Move over The Birdcage! Move over PEARL HARBOR (directed by Michael "Boo Bear" Bay)! There's a new queen in town!

I guess before you run off and write this movie, raise a couple of million dollars, produce it, and distribute it, you should know a little something about Grizzly Adams.

John Capen Adams or Grizzly Adams was a real man who trapped and trained bears in California in the mid 1800's. You can read more about him here.

1. He wore leather jumpsuits with tassels, and adorned himself with colorful feathers.

2. He paraded through the streets of San Francisco with his bears.

3. He left his wife and kids to move to San Francisco and live with bears.

4. He was a shoemaker before moving to the woods to live with bears.

5. He loved bears.








Sure, this is some pretty weak evidence, but other "biographical" films have been written and produced with much less information on their subjects. Don't ever let the truth get in the way of your story. After all, what are movies but long, entertaining lies. Moreover, there has already been a very popular, successful, and totally inaccurate movie and television series based on the life of Grizzly Adams. The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams was a total reimagingineering of his story, not to mention, pretty gay its self.


Although I am very sick of seeing him in movies, and I wish he would just go away and form some sort of foundation for children and only be seen or heard from once a year for his annual telethon, I can't imagine a better actor to play Grizzly Adams than Will Ferrell.

Make this movie happen! Do it! Do it! Do it!
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P.P.S. The same bear trainer who told me about Grizzly Adams told me about a guy getting his calf bitten off by a zebra. Long story short, zebras are dangerous.

P.P.P.S. This was not meant to be offensive to gays or lesbians. I am sorry if it was. If you are a gay or lesbian filmmaker, you can probably get some grants to make this movie. The imaginative rebranding of an American icon as gay must be on the top of some special interest group's list.

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Hacky Snacks

Do you work for Willy Wonka, Hasbro, Jelly Belly, Tonka, Wham-O, Slam-O, Jack-O, Wack-O, or any other candy/toy company that I didn't mention? Do you want to bring joy and cavities to millions of boys and girls, while making millions? Are you excited yet?

Get excited, because here is my latest idea: the Hacky Snack.

What is a Hacky Snack? It's just what it sounds like it is. The Hacky Snack is a hacky sack or footbag filled with candy instead of the usual plastic beads or beans. You know. For kids!

The Hacky Snack sack would open and close easily so that after you have kicked it around, you can open it up and have a taste of that tasty candy inside.

Believe it or not, I (my mom) actually made a prototype and did some of the groundwork on this idea. Here is what I found.

One, Nerds work best as the candy inside, so Willy Wonka should be all over this idea. Two, Runts suck, both as a filling for the Hacky Snack and as a candy. Three, the sack closing mechanism is the tricky part. It has to be easy to open and close, but at the same time, not throw off the weight balance of the sack.

Sure, some of you are wondering who would want to eat candy that has been touching people's feet, the ground, and a dog named Carma's mouth? The answer, kids. Kids love disgusting candy. More Disgusting = More Fun. Have you seen the stuff that kids are eating these days? Think about the candy that you stuffed in your chubby little face as a kid. Fun Dip? Super Giant Jaw Breakers? Big League Chew? Big League Chew is supposed to be chewing tobacco for kids.
Still not sure? Wondering about the FDA? Don't think they will be okay with it?

The candy inside the sack would be in a plastic pouch similar to the Glad ForceFlex trash bags, completely protecting it from the elements. Refill pouches of candy for the Hacky Snack would be sold separately.

There are sooooooooo many different little details that can be added or tweaked to make the Hacky Snack more appealing to kids. I will let you work out most of those details, but think about this.

The Hacky Snacks can be made into collectible items by printing characters from a popular movie franchise on them, and guess what. This idea was actually born from a 30 installment mega movie franchise that me and my friends Mike B. and Spencer K. are writing. I can't give away much about this project without you signing a nondisclosure agreement, but I will say that the product tie in with Hacky Snacks is complete and the most stunning example of toy/movie/candy synergy ever seen on this planet.

Basically, you would be a fool to make Hacky Snacks and not dump a couple of million into the production of the first movie in this 30 part mega movie franchise.

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P.P.S. No candy babies were eaten during the writing of this post.

Margaret Cho Drama

I know that putting this back to back with my last idea is going to make some people think that I think about Asian people too much, that maybe I have some sort of fetish or hatred for Asians. Well, I don't. Sorry.

I spent a couple of weeks of my life around Margaret Cho. Don't ask me when. Don't ask me where. Let me just say that she was already established as a comedian, and that I am not calling her out for not being funny when I knew her in middle school, because I didn't know her in middle school.

Did you catch the not funny part of that? Yeah, I don't think she is funny at all. The entire time I was around her, she never made one single person laugh. Maybe she is just stingy with her comedy, but if you are a comedian that hates making people laugh, you should probably find something else to do.

Whether she is just not funny or she hates bringing the joy of laughter to the lives of people around her, I have the solution. I have an idea, and here it is.

Someone needs to put Margaret Cho in a super serious role. Give her, her break into drama. Get her off the stand-up stage. Just look at Robin Williams. I would do this if I had a couple of million dollars laying around, but I don't, so you will have to make this happen.

This is not to say that I won't help. I have already come up with a concept for the movie she can star in, the break-out role of her career. I even made a poster for it.

Title: Miss Oriented
Logline: A woman on the cusp of understanding her art and sexuality finds out that she has AIDS, and must reconcile with her past.

Synopsis: Patty Tang (Cho) an aspiring artist in NYC. Working as a gallery assistant to get by, as she searches for her own style, her own voice. She has never quite felt at home in her own skin. Her world turns upside down when she meets performance artist Janice Red (Sasha Grey) and discovers a deep and powerful love. She carefully ends her on again off again relationship with her boss and gallery owner, Tomas Hurst (Harvey Keitel). Patty had never imagined being with a woman before, but for the first time in her life, she is at peace and finally finds her voice as an artist. Even Hurst is happy that Patty has found what she was looking for, and offers to represent her, to show her new, powerful and exciting artwork. Their momentary bliss is shattered when Patty's ex-boyfriend Zach Messenger (Sean Patrick Flanery), comes to her art show, and tells Patty that he has HIV, and that she probably has HIV too. The art show is a bitter sweet success, as almost all of her paintings sell. Patty breaks down and spends days in her room crying and sleeping. Refusing to see anyone, even Janice. Janice gets tested and comes back negative, not meaning much, but she pleads with Patty to get tested. Finally, Patty goes to the hospital and gets tested. After her visit to the hospital, she begins painting. She paints until she passes out, completing dozens of pieces. Janice wakes her with an envelope, her test results. Patty reads the results, and starts crying. Janice holds her and cries with her. We never know what the results were.
It's all there for you. All you have to do is write the script, get Margaret Cho signed on, get SPF signed on, get Harvey Keitel interested, raise a couple of million dollars, find a director, cast the other roles, lock down locations, hire a crew, shoot the film, edit the film, win some festivals, get distribution, advertise, become an indie hit, and get Margaret Cho an Oscar nomination. EASY! See, you don't even have to get her an Oscar, just a nomination.

When all of this is done, you can sit back and relax, knowing that Margaret Cho will never again try to do stand-up.

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P.P.S. This idea is not meant to be in any way offensive to people with HIV or AIDS, lesbians, Asians, Harvey Keitel, or artists. It is only meant to be offensive to NYC and Margaret Cho, and even then, I am saying that I think Margaret Cho could make a pretty good dramatic actor, and that is actually a compliment.

Soul Man 2

I don't think that this could possibly be produced, released, and distributed before this year's presidential election is over, but I think that the time is right for C. Thomas Howell to revive his famous character Mark Watson, AKA The Soul Man, for "Soul Man 2: Black To The White House."

Logline: "Soul Man" meets Barack Obama's campaign meets "Tootsie" meets "Tropic Thunder."

Synopsis: An older, wiser Mark Watson (C. Thomas Howell) sets out to prove to his wife Sarah Walker (Rae Dawn Chong) that a black man can become President of the United States. The only problem is that on such short notice, the most qualified black man he can find is himself.

His bid for election gets off to a rocky start, as Sarah and his campaign manager Professor Banks (James Earl Jones) don't completely agree with his method to prove equality.

His opponent, Graham Wellington (William Shatner) , suspects something fishy is afoot, and it isn't just the fish fry fundraisers that Watson is throwing. A spy in Watson's camp spills the beans and Wellington exposes him in their last debate.

This, of course, backfires and everyone happily votes for the white Watson, handing him one of the most decisive political victories in history.












I think you can probably get some funding from The National Endowment for the Arts, the Harvard Law Review, The National Lampoon (given that there is the promise of boobs on the DVD box cover), and Soul Glow.

Sure, my synopsis is a little rough around the edges, but the fact that the first "Soul Man" was produced is proof enough that, with a little elbow grease and shoe polish, you can get this made.

Get out there, and get funky.

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P.P.S. Reading old posts on Ideas By Chuck is almost as good as reading new posts, unless you have read them before.

Absolutely Fabulous Movie

I think it is time for an AbFab movie.

What the hell is AbFab?

AbFab or Absolutely Fabulous was a BBC sitcom that has a global cult following of awkward high school drama girls, and gay men. I went through an awkward high school drama girl phase, so I have seen most of the episodes even though I am a straight man.

Why make a movie?

Slutty middle aged women and alcoholic mothers are so in right now. Just look at Britney Spears and "Sex and the City." And Patsy and Edwina were the original martini guzzling women of the small screen. Plus, all those high school drama girls and gay men, even though they are all grown up now, still crave more AbFab.

Lucky for you millions of writers out there who read my blog for inspiration and ideas, I have written a synopsis for the movie. Here it is.

Logline: Patsy and Edwina go to Hollywood.

Synopsis: Patsy and Edwina are lost at sea when the cruise ship they were on sinks. Saffy, Edwina's daughter, takes the money from a sizable life insurance policies that she had taken out on her mother and Patsy, and moves to Hollywood to pursue a career as a screen writer.

Five years later Saffy is riding high in Hollywood. One of her screen plays, "Summer's Song: Winters Poem," has been produced and received critical and box office success. Based on that success Merchant/Ivory is producing her next script, "Remnants of Endlessness," with an all star cast.

The day before "Remnants of Endlessness," is to begin shooting, Patsy and Edwina show up on Saffy's doorstep. They were never on the cruise ship. In a drunken haze they had boarded a Greek oil barge that was subsequently attacked by pirates. They spent the previous five years as opium addicted sex slaves on a Cambodian pirate ship, which neither of them seem too upset about.

Saffy is happy to see her mother for about a split second before they start destroying her life.

Patsy and Edwina insist on parts in her film and run a muck in Hollywood seemingly destroying Saffy's movie and career.

Luckily, everything works out fine in the end with Saffy's movie, but she ends up in her own personal hell, as Patsy and Edwina have gotten so much paparazzi attention that VH1 gives them their own reality show.

Get out there and write the script before someone else does. We need some new and better rehashing of British TV. Even though the last fifteen minutes of "Mr. Bean's Holiday," are amazing, we need something better, something drunker, something AbFab.

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