Sunday, April 26, 2009
A while back, I started talking to a bear trainer about Grizzly Adams. As our conversation unfolded, I learned many interesting facts about this American icon. My curiosity peeked, I rushed to the internet, to my Google for more information. And, with every new tidbit of information I gathered, a suspicion, a theory, a wild and unprovable accusation grew stronger in my mind.
The more I have found out about Grizzly Adams, the real Grizzly Adams, the more and more I have come to believe that he was gay.
So what? Many great men in history were probably gay, so why do I care about Grizzly Adams? Because! Silly! Operating on this assumption, you have the foundation for one of the greatest gay Hi-jinx movies ever! Move over Priscilla Queen of the Desert! Move over The Birdcage! Move over PEARL HARBOR (directed by Michael "Boo Bear" Bay)! There's a new queen in town!
I guess before you run off and write this movie, raise a couple of million dollars, produce it, and distribute it, you should know a little something about Grizzly Adams.
John Capen Adams or Grizzly Adams was a real man who trapped and trained bears in California in the mid 1800's. You can read more about him here.
1. He wore leather jumpsuits with tassels, and adorned himself with colorful feathers.
2. He paraded through the streets of San Francisco with his bears.
3. He left his wife and kids to move to San Francisco and live with bears.
4. He was a shoemaker before moving to the woods to live with bears.
5. He loved bears.
Sure, this is some pretty weak evidence, but other "biographical" films have been written and produced with much less information on their subjects. Don't ever let the truth get in the way of your story. After all, what are movies but long, entertaining lies. Moreover, there has already been a very popular, successful, and totally inaccurate movie and television series based on the life of Grizzly Adams. The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams was a total reimagingineering of his story, not to mention, pretty gay its self.
Although I am very sick of seeing him in movies, and I wish he would just go away and form some sort of foundation for children and only be seen or heard from once a year for his annual telethon, I can't imagine a better actor to play Grizzly Adams than Will Ferrell.
Make this movie happen! Do it! Do it! Do it!
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P.P.S. The same bear trainer who told me about Grizzly Adams told me about a guy getting his calf bitten off by a zebra. Long story short, zebras are dangerous.
P.P.P.S. This was not meant to be offensive to gays or lesbians. I am sorry if it was. If you are a gay or lesbian filmmaker, you can probably get some grants to make this movie. The imaginative rebranding of an American icon as gay must be on the top of some special interest group's list.
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