Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I know that putting this back to back with my last idea is going to make some people think that I think about Asian people too much, that maybe I have some sort of fetish or hatred for Asians. Well, I don't. Sorry.
I spent a couple of weeks of my life around Margaret Cho. Don't ask me when. Don't ask me where. Let me just say that she was already established as a comedian, and that I am not calling her out for not being funny when I knew her in middle school, because I didn't know her in middle school.
Did you catch the not funny part of that? Yeah, I don't think she is funny at all. The entire time I was around her, she never made one single person laugh. Maybe she is just stingy with her comedy, but if you are a comedian that hates making people laugh, you should probably find something else to do.
Whether she is just not funny or she hates bringing the joy of laughter to the lives of people around her, I have the solution. I have an idea, and here it is.
Someone needs to put Margaret Cho in a super serious role. Give her, her break into drama. Get her off the stand-up stage. Just look at Robin Williams. I would do this if I had a couple of million dollars laying around, but I don't, so you will have to make this happen.
This is not to say that I won't help. I have already come up with a concept for the movie she can star in, the break-out role of her career. I even made a poster for it.
Title: Miss Oriented
Logline: A woman on the cusp of understanding her art and sexuality finds out that she has AIDS, and must reconcile with her past.
Synopsis: Patty Tang (Cho) an aspiring artist in NYC. Working as a gallery assistant to get by, as she searches for her own style, her own voice. She has never quite felt at home in her own skin. Her world turns upside down when she meets performance artist Janice Red (Sasha Grey) and discovers a deep and powerful love. She carefully ends her on again off again relationship with her boss and gallery owner, Tomas Hurst (Harvey Keitel). Patty had never imagined being with a woman before, but for the first time in her life, she is at peace and finally finds her voice as an artist. Even Hurst is happy that Patty has found what she was looking for, and offers to represent her, to show her new, powerful and exciting artwork. Their momentary bliss is shattered when Patty's ex-boyfriend Zach Messenger (Sean Patrick Flanery), comes to her art show, and tells Patty that he has HIV, and that she probably has HIV too. The art show is a bitter sweet success, as almost all of her paintings sell. Patty breaks down and spends days in her room crying and sleeping. Refusing to see anyone, even Janice. Janice gets tested and comes back negative, not meaning much, but she pleads with Patty to get tested. Finally, Patty goes to the hospital and gets tested. After her visit to the hospital, she begins painting. She paints until she passes out, completing dozens of pieces. Janice wakes her with an envelope, her test results. Patty reads the results, and starts crying. Janice holds her and cries with her. We never know what the results were.
It's all there for you. All you have to do is write the script, get Margaret Cho signed on, get SPF signed on, get Harvey Keitel interested, raise a couple of million dollars, find a director, cast the other roles, lock down locations, hire a crew, shoot the film, edit the film, win some festivals, get distribution, advertise, become an indie hit, and get Margaret Cho an Oscar nomination. EASY! See, you don't even have to get her an Oscar, just a nomination.
When all of this is done, you can sit back and relax, knowing that Margaret Cho will never again try to do stand-up.
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P.P.S. This idea is not meant to be in any way offensive to people with HIV or AIDS, lesbians, Asians, Harvey Keitel, or artists. It is only meant to be offensive to NYC and Margaret Cho, and even then, I am saying that I think Margaret Cho could make a pretty good dramatic actor, and that is actually a compliment.