Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Sex Sells Stuff


Sometimes I feel like one of the scientists that invented the atom bomb. I have ideas that are so brilliant, yet terrible. I wonder if I should keep them to myself, but then I remember that these ideas are marketing ideas, and eventually some terrible person with no ethics will think them up on their own.

This is one such idea.

A few years ago I read an article about the energy drink explosion. Everyone and their brother was trying to cash in on and chisel away small percentages of Red Bull's billion dollar energy drink market. The big boys such as Coca Cola and Pepsi were making headway, but so were smaller start-up drink companies. You can't turn around today without seeing a new energy drink with bombastic name, wanting to put it's self in your face. The article highlighted one such company, and my mind started moving.

What advantage does a small independent company have over giants like Coca Cola or Pepsi?

Where can this company go that the giants can't, like a flea hopping merrily through the crack under a door, leaving the wolf outside in the cold?

Suddenly it came to me.

Porn.

Product placement in pornographic films.

The big boys like Coca Cola and Pepsi can't do it. They can't have their names attached to pornography. KFC might be "finger licking good," but that is as far as the licking goes at PepsiCo. You can "do the Dew," but you can't do you know who. These companies have too many other brands, labels, and divisions to ever even think about getting involved in porn and tarnishing their image, but the small guys, the start-ups, the boot-licking-nobodies have nothing to lose.

I thought, and still think that energy drinks are a perfect fit for product placement in porn, but it could work just as well for many other adult oriented products such as alcohol, guns, clothing, pizza, and condoms. These are all things already incorporated into porn story lines. Haven't you ever wondered why no condom makers put the money into buying product placement in porn?

Okay, maybe I am the only one who has thought about it, but I know I am not the only one that has ever watched porn. Billions of men and some women around the world check an occasional skin flick...every day. Billions of people is a lot of people. Imagine all those people seeing your product and associating it with sex. Sex sells stuff.

Furthermore, people are more likely to watch porn over and over again. I am willing to bet large sums of money that "Blow Job Impossible 4" got more repeat views than "Mission Impossible 3."

Moreover, the best thing about product placement in porn is that love is an international language. Just like action movies, pornographic films transcend, no, demolish language barriers. A roundhouse kick is a roundhouse kick in Japanese, German, or English. I don't know how to say BJ in Russian, but I don't have to, to watch a porcelain skinned mail order bride give the gift of one.

The pornographic film industry has been giving away plugs for years with major results, but no one has seemed to catch on to the fact that Debbie made the Dallas Cowboys into contenders or that Ron Jeremy was responsible for middle aged men being into video games.

If you have a product or a service that you don't care about church groups rallying against, get out there and do some hardcore product placement in the most wide open, spread wide open, waiting for it, media market on earth. Being first has it's advantages. If you are the first company to use product placement in porn as a marketing tool, you will find yourself at the center of a hurricane of free press and publicity. Go get em tiger!

P.S. Here is an idea. Subscribe to my sexy blog. I don't have a real-deal job where I can dateup (flip it and reverse it) my blog on a regular basis from my throne, so you should subscribe and get told like a bad boy every time I update. Just an idea.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait a sec. Sex? Sells? What the fuck are you talking about, dude??

Anonymous said...

BRILLIANT!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe they don't already have condom product placement in porn!!!!... that doesn't exist already? I don't see much staged porn as I prefer the amateur, where unshaven foreigners and their real tans while on vacation decide it might be fun to make a video... it's a world without condoms. I like to actually see the aids being transmitted. It's my thing.

Anonymous said...

pizza

Anonymous said...

Wow wee! it just occurred to me why amateur swedish porn has had such a strong history of success. They aren't a furry bunch. All the realism of amateur sex without all the hair.

Anonymous said...

yeah but people are usually shaven in the amateur stuff as well.

Anonymous said...

no no what you are talking about is amateur porn, where people are copying what they see in real porn but are too stupid to get paid for it, it's the equivalent of a kid tying a bed sheet to his neck and jumping off the arm of the couch after watching superman. I believe he's flying even less than the dude in the movie. I'm talking about amateur sex videos, real people having real sex where they are actually into it and enjoying it not trying to get back at their dads

Anonymous said...

so you mean not the bad-uncle pain and pleasure stew but people who actually like each other and the sex

Anonymous said...

well it's more of a strganoff, but yes.... oh got to go my baby is crying... ba ba time

Anonymous said...

speaking of amateurs, this could extend to that realm with online contests sponsored by condom companies that are like "send us your best sex video using a Durex condom".... then you can vote for them online.... also they can have categories like "most creative way of putting on the condom" and "most seemlessly smooth slip in" (I mean slipping the condom on)... this would encourage people to practice which would mean they were using up condoms to get it right, upping sales... it's all about moving product. Also it would promote safe sex and stuff which I guess is okay too.

Anonymous said...

OR in regular porn as part of the condom companies sponsor agreement they can make it so the condom has to be put on in some really slick, cool looking tricky way so that people at home would practice and plow though condoms trying to perfect it....Like people do with magic tricks....so you make it cool to know all these tricks... or like when every dude is in his smoking phase in high school and he practices doing that thing where he throws the cigarette up into his mouth 96.3% of the time it ends up on the ground. In the case of the condoms they can't be picked up and rerolled.... sales will sore cos guys will do anything to seem sexually adept (which is dumb) and this is something that can give that illusion but they can practice on their own.

Anonymous said...

I see what you are saying... and just to take it a step further maybe a certain style of slip on could be synonymous with certain adult stars and the could name that move after them... the Durex Jeramy Jab, which is one quick movement where it just looks like you punched yourself in the junk real quick... THEN inside the pack of condoms there could be like a little insert that has some of the signature moves with names ect.

side bar: I know a good portion of the time the ladies put them on so there can be like a signature hand gesture or move someone is contractually obligated to do while it's being put on them... like hands behind the head or a certain brand of scalp massage

Anonymous said...

the insert could be called:
THE CONDOM SUTRA

Anonymous said...

This idea is great, porn and energy drinks, It's amazing. I'm sure people in porn have to drink energy drinks to be able to go all day long in a shoot, so yea, they should advertise it!!! Again I am impressed with comes out if your brain.

Anonymous said...

Potential products for placing in porn:

- sex toys
- organic foods
- musical artists
- cell phone accessories
- fishing lures
- back scratchers
- medical dispenseries
- soap
- garden hoses
- The Beer Belly (shoulder slung bladder that holds beer)
- beauty salons (waxing)
- tatoo parlors
- flavored henna tattos

Nott said...

These ideas are same-old same-old. :(

Molly Ren said...

*steals idea*
*adds you to RSS feed*

Charles McCarthy said...

Thanks.

Blogger said...

Do you prefer Pepsi or Coca-Cola?
ANSWER THE POLL and you could win a prepaid VISA gift card!

Kabayan Naim said...

Obat Penggemuk Badan

Obat Penggemuk

Obat Kuat Cialis

Obat Kuat Pria

Cialis Asli

Minyak Lintah Hitam

Obat Kuat Cialis

Obat Kuat Viagra

Obat Kuat Levitra

Kabayan Naim said...

Alat Pembesar Penis

Vakum Pembesar Penis

Procomil Spray

Vimax Spray

Obat Kuat Semprot

Obat Kuat Herbal

Obat Kuat Pria

Cream Pembesar Penis

Minyak Pembesar Penis

Oil Pembesar Penis