Intimidating Uncle

I know you have all been waiting for yet another reality show idea from me. Guess what. I was waiting for another reality show idea from me too, and as luck would have it, I had one... I had one in my back pocket all along and didn't even realize it until just now.

As some or all of you, my billions of adoring and sexy readers, know, I have another blog called Intimidating Uncle, where I basically bring down the law on little kids. I play the roll of the Intimidating Uncle.

You know the Intimidating Uncle, the uncle who always said things to you that you only half-way understood but could tell from the tone of voice that they were either blatantly or mildly insulting, the uncle who wouldn't take any of the crap you would get away with around your parents, the uncle who didn't believe in unconditional love, the uncle who intimidated the crap out of you (in some families this roll is played by a close family friend).

Here is the idea: Intimidating Uncle the reality show.

Title: Intimidating Uncle
Genre: Reality
Logline: Super Nanny meets Wife Swap meets Uncle Buck.



Synopsis: Parents are sent on a vacation for a week leaving their children in the care of an uncle, an Intimidating Uncle, giving the uncle a chance to bring his brand of discipline down on the children. The Intimidating Uncle tries to whip the kids into shape, the parents get a much deserved break.

This has smash hit written all over it because it is basically playing off the same formula as several other very popular shows like the ABC hit shows Super Nanny and Wife Swap, but it also has the advantage of being able to showcase resorts and other vacation destinations. Can you say advertising dolla dolla billz yall? Plus, if you cast the right uncles, single and moderately handsome (like me), you can broaden the shows appeal and demographic.


P.S. You better subscribe to Ideas By Chuck... or else!

P.P.S. I have to thank my friend Ben for pointing out/opening my eyes to this idea. If you want to produce this, you should bring him on as a co-producer. He knows his stuff, and he is somewhat of an intimidating uncle himself.

P.P.P.S. I am still doing things on Twitter. Follow me if you want to - @ideasbychuck

PitchMen

Don't you hate it when your favorite AS SEEN ON TV pitchman dies? Can't see yourself watching TV stoned at 4am ever again? Are you looking for an answer?

How about an Ideas By Chuck IDEA? What's that?! Stay tuned to find out more!

When I heard that Billy Mays had passed away, I got sad. But then I thought to myself WWBMD? Billy Mays would dry his tears away with a Zorbeez™ the AS SEEN ON TV super absorbent towel, and turn this tragedy into opportunity.


I know what you are thinking! How can you do that? Well Sharon, in the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you about an amazing new idea that can turn your life around and that frown upside down! So stick around and find out how!

Now, I am sure that you are all avid followers of Billy's Discovery Channel show PitchMen, a brilliant combination of advertising and drama, but where will this show go now that Billy is gone? Do you really think that Anthony "Sully" Sullivan can carry the show by himself?

Say it with me! - I DON'T THINK SO!

Sullivan can't handle all the pitching by himself, so who will carry the show? Who will step in to sell fine products to the good people of America? Who will make offers even sweeter by doubling what you get for the same price for limited times? Who will throw in additional amazing items at NO EXTRA COST?



WHO WILL FILL BILLY MAYS' SHOES?



Vince Offer, A.K.A. The Shamwow Guy? No! His image is so dirty that even OxiClean™ could get it clean. His recent arrest for attacking a prostitute has knocked him off the short list. Vince Offer?

Say it with me! - I DON'T THINK SO!

Ron Popeil of RonCo fame? No! He is too old! He's so old, he could have invented breathing. Do you think America will trust a guy that old?

Say it with me! - I DON'T THINK SO!

Say, Sharon, do you remember when I told you that I had an idea? Say folks, do you remember when I said I had an idea? Well, here it is!

PitchMen should be turned into a search for America's Next Big Pitchman!



What do you think about that folks? Just imagine watching the exploits of 15 unknown pitch men and women as they try to become the next Billy Mays! And don't forget about all the amazing product placement that this makes possible! Doesn't that sound exciting folks?

Say it with me! - I DO THINK SO!!!

The show would be hosted by Anthony Sullivan and each week a panel of judges randomly composed of stoners, housewives, and the unemployed would decide the contestants' fates. Special guest appearances by Ralph Nader could also be a regular part of the show.

Act now! If you are a Discovery Channel Executive Producer, Anthony Sullivan, or someone else at Sullivan Productions, and you use this idea to make millions, please send me some of that cash +S&H. Sorry, no CODs. Hurry! Act now and I will throw in another idea for FREE! The special limited edition Michael Jackson sequin covered Ove Glove!™. This is a limited time offer, so act now!



P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck and for a limited time I will dedicate one of my prayers for Billy Mays to you for FREE.

P.P.S. I was sad about Michael Jackson too, but with ideas like the vibrating yoga ball, I think you all understand why I had to make this mainly about Billy Mays.



P.P.P.S. I am still on Twitter. Follow me - ideasbychuck.

MasterDaters

Yeah, this is my 75th idea, and I know some of you are wondering when I am going to either become super rich, and or give up on this whole ideas blog thing. If I am bad at one thing, it is giving up. Men who refuse to give up on other people's ideas are zealots, fanatics, and obsessive compulsive. Men who refuse to give up on their own ideas are men of vision. I say, "men" because I am a man, and my friend has a hat that says, "men of vision" on it, but you can put a "wo-" in front of all the "mens" if you want to. There are definitely some women of vision out there too, but I am a man, so I want to be a man of vision. Long story short - I'm not giving up yet.

For this Special Edition 75th Idea I am going to give you, my millions of loyal readers, an idea that I actually worked on selling to someone before I got sidetracked. I almost had the time, energy, and passion to bring THIS idea to life.

MASTERDATERS - A multi-platform dating spectacle.

MasterDaters is a speed dating event with combined with Iron Chef, Wipe Out, Singled Out, and Monday Night football. Participants go on a series of speed dates while having their moves and mistakes documented and analyzed by snarky commentators using all the modern sports coverage tools such as screen graphics and instant replay. Michael Buckley and Greg Behrendt could be a good host duo, especially if their hair can be brought under control.

The show would also feature rotating special guests such as Dr. Sue, Dr. Drew, Dr. John Gray, Neil Straus, and other relationship experts, plus a roving on-field reporter (the usual hot chick with big breasts, raspy voice, and a slightly checkered past brandishing an oversized, overly phallic microphone). She would interview participants of interest as they move to their next date.

The main point to make about this show is that there are no winners or losers, well... at least not in the usual game show sense of these words. This is more about the spectacle, the event - People meeting People. There would be a live audience, a DJ, lights etc. and the show would be filmed at a hot club.

Every episode ends with a big dance party.

INTERNET TIE IN - Everyone wants this so bad!

The show would tour from city to city, and would be promoted like a big party with a MTV Spring Break vibe, single people flocking to it for the chance to be on TV, meet other singles, and party. Participants would be chosen from the crowd like the Price is Right, and casting would be fairly loose. Every person chosen to be a participant would be given a profile on the MasterDaters singles networking/dating site in a special "as seen on TV" section (obviously, this could also be worked out as a partnership with Facebook or Myspace).

Everyone else who comes out will be strongly encouraged to join the MasterDaters site etc. and they will all have to go to the MasterDaters sight the next day to check out the branded Cobra-Snake-like photos of themselves from the crazy after party.

Unlike other dating shows that are very LA-centric until they run out of people in LA claiming not to be actors, this show would reach out to the rest of the country. You like someone you see on the show they shot in your city, you can go online and contact them. Plus, the large amount of contestants on each episode would present a wide variety of interest for the viewing public.

Get this show on TV, and get your diamond bedazzled checkbook out to write me a check with lots of zeros involved. This is going to make someone a ton of money because done right this show can tie together live events, television broadcasts, and web content in a very cohesive and powerful way that sponsors will be fighting tooth and nail to get a piece of, and after all, that's what it's all about, gettin a piece!

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P.P.S. Check out my interview on Courtesy Flush. Click Here.

P.P.P.S. Check out my interview on The Molls Show. Click Here.

P.P.P.P.S. Check out my interview on TBTL live tonight 8pm Pacific or recorded if you aren't reading this on 6/22/09. Click Here.

P.P.P.P.P.S. If you want the PDF one sheet for MasterDaters, contact me through Twitter.

3-D The Movie

Some people have been calling Seth Rogen the next Tom Hanks, and for a while now I have been pushing the idea that Tom Hanks and Seth Rogen will be in a movie together soon. It just seems like some movie executive's wet dream. I even made a shirt that says, "Untitled Tom Hanks/Seth Rogen Project." This is one movie idea that I think I can really will into existence, especially since it is basically like predicting that it will rain sometime in the next year.

Recently, I started really thinking harder about it and came up with a title and plot for the film. I also decided that the movie should be shot in 3-D because all the movie studios have hard-ons for 3-D because it gives people a reason to actually go to the movies again.

Title: 3-D The Movie
Genre: Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy
Logline: Be Kind Rewind meets The Majestic meets Doc Hollywood.

Synopsis: Party boy Barry Bender (Seth Rogen) is on top of the world until his trust fund's entire stock portfolio tanks and everyone abandons him. He contemplates suicide, but as he climbs out onto the ledge of his lawyer's 54th floor office, he gets a call from Jerry Reynolds (Tom Hanks), his long lost older brother that he never knew he had. Jerry explains that their father just passed away, leaving Barry half of everything he owned.

Barry travels to Bozeman, Montana for his father's funeral and to survey his newly acquired assets. Barry is feeling pretty good until he discovers that all he has inherited is half of a floundering second-run movie theater. With nowhere to go, he decides to stay in town and try to sell his half.


Barry and Jerry clash at first and Barry sticks out like a sore thumb, and wants out as fast as possible until he meets the beautiful, mysterious, and slightly nutty Shali Patel (Freida Pinto). Sparks fly, but she wants nothing to do with his party boy, do nothing lifestyle. He has to change to win her heart.

Eventually, the brothers find common ground in their love of movies and Barry comes up with a whacky plan to turn the theater around. They make every movie they show "3-D" by hiring actors from the community theater including Shali Patel and using kooky DIY special effects - spraying water on the audience during Jaws, shaking the seats during Earthquake, etc.

The "3-D" movies are a hit. People start coming from miles around to see experience their favorite old movies in this new, wacky way. It is such a big hit that a giant movie theater chain comes to town and offers to buy the theater. At first, Barry jumps at the chance to get back to his old life and says yes to selling the theater. Shali overhears him agree to the sale and storms off. Barry realizes that he would rather stay in Bozeman with her than leave. He runs after her, only to discover that she has left town, and that she is the heiress to a hotel chain fortune.

With Jerry's help, he is able to track her down, and the movie ends with him coming out on stage at a charity screening of When Harry Met Sally that Shali is attending in Hollywood. Barry professes his love for her. Jerry meets Meg Ryan, and they instantly click.


The four of them live happily ever after.

Are you ready to write this yet? Are you ready to executive produce it? Are you ready to act in it? Tom? Seth? Doesn't it have "hit" written all over it?

Selling Points:

1. 3-D! The studios love 3-D!

2. Tom Hanks and Seth Rogen get butts in the seats.

3. Using footage from old movies would save money in the production of the film, and also boost DVD sales, rentals, and downloads of those movies.

4. America is F'n jonesing to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan on screen together again.

If you decide to write the script, please give me a writer credit, and if you sell it, please give me some of the money. Actually, try to get some points. I'll take one point.

P.S. I heard that Stephen Hawking subscribes to Ideas By Chuck. Besides being paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair, don't you want to be like Stephen Hawking? Subscribe.

P.P.S. Freida Pinto is so hot!

P.P.P.S. Why do Indian women hate me?

P.P.P.P.S. I am on Twitter, and it seems to be going well. You can follow me if you want. Click Here.

Zingerade Spicy Lemonade

Do you want to start your own bottled drink company, but you're worried that the market is saturated? There are tons of teas, tonics, sodas, sport drinks, colas, waters, ales, punches, potions, and elixirs out there on the market. Where could you possibly fit in? What kind of market share could you possibly hope to dig out of that mountain of refreshment?

You have your heart set on starting your own drink company don't you? Don't you? Yes you do. Yes you do. Don't you?

Lucky for you, you know me, and I can tell you a drink that no one is bottling, no one is marketing, no one is selling, and yet hundreds of thousands of people are drinking. What is it?

The master cleanse lemonade, made from lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and of course, water. If anyone is selling this pre-made, I can't find it. I would brand it "Zingerade." Zingerade.com is available, it sounds cool, and conveys the general vibe of the product. It is slightly cliche, but so was Powerade, and that was put out by CocaCola. Give me a couple of million bucks and I will come up with a better name (that is an offer for CocaCola too).

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that the master cleanse lemonade sounds really gross. Well, it is actually pretty good. I have never been on the master cleanse, but for some reason every woman that I know tries to do it at least three times a year. Most of the time they fail, but I have had many chances to taste the spicy lemonade, and I like to take chances. It has a definite zing and a taste that just keeps giving. A unique flavor is hard to find, but this is one that is sitting right there giving you the finger.

Even if it tasted like total crap, it has medicinal properties. We all know that if you tell people something is good for them, it can taste like poop mixed with tartar sauce, and they will still drink it or eat it. Cayenne pepper quells hunger and boosts your metabolism. You don't have to be on a seven day fast to want to drink something that will stop you from eating seven twinkies between lunch and dinner while helping you burn more calories.

The convenience of this drink would attract anyone doing the master cleanse, and though it might sound crazy, there are tons of people out there not on the master cleanse or trying to lose weight who would drink Zingerade. People who smoke or drink heavily crave spicy foods because their taste buds have been killed off (I know all you drinkers are already thinking about what this would taste like mixed with vodka). Why do you think Bloody Marys are so popular?

Even if you hate the product just think of the marketing campaigns.

"Spice up your lemonade! Spice up your life! Zingerade!"

"Zingerade! The Juice with real Juice!"

"Jump-Start Your Lemonade! Zingerade!"

"Drink Zingerade or DIE FAT AND ALONE!"

You don't have to be a genius to see that this has some real potential. Make this idea happen. Make some money. Make your bed. Make out a check to me for two million dollars.
P.S. You really should subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. If you don't who will?

P.P.S. Zingerade and vodka is great.

P.P.P.S. If I can follow a chair that reports every time someone farts on it, you can follow me. Click here.

Bluetooth Walkie Talkie Headset

This idea is like a very, very, very good brownie recipe. I am basically just telling you the ingredients for success. You don't have to go find a secret ingredient. You don't have to learn a new way to bake the brownies. All you have to do is go get the ingredients and bake them up into the best selling brownies the church bake sale has ever seen, singlehandedly raising the money for the youth group's missionary trip to Belize.

To tell you the truth, I almost didn't put this up as an idea because it feels very simple and specific to TV/Film production, but then I thought back to my Magical Binder idea, which took the world by storm, and I had to share this with the masses as well.

When most people here the two words, "walkie" and "talkie" together, they think about toys in the shape of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers or Hello Kitty with an average life span of about four days and a range from here to the Smith's backyard, but there are people who still use walkie talkies in real life, to do real work. I am one of them.

In TV/Film production we use big, bulky, serious walkie talkies. The walky talkies we use make effective weapons, withstand serious abuse at the hands of some very cranky people, and will pull your pants down if you aren't wearing a belt.

Here is the idea: a bluetooth adapter for walkie talkies that would allow you to use your bluetooth headset with the walkie talkie.

There are several different headset options for the walkie talkies we use. Some are clunky and make you look like Janet Jackson or a drive through manager at McDonald's, while others are much less clunky but make you feel like you have just been plugged into the Matrix. I want a bluetooth solution.

I know the technology exists out there to make this happen, so go make this happen. If you create a bluetooth adapter, send me one. I will make sure that you sell a bunch of them right off the bat through my connections in the world of TV/Film production as well as sexy ninjas.

Also, remember, if you make a lot of money off of this idea, you should send me some of that money. It will make you feel good. Remember Edgar Allen Poe's tale, "The Telltale Heart."

P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck before I get so famous you hear about me from your grandmother.

P.P.S. Isn't that ninja sexy?

P.P.P.S. You can still follow me on Twitter.

Pickpocket In Your Pocket

"Please, Sir, I want some more... interesting and interactive video games that might help me meet people rather than curl up into a ball of fat and self pity on my couch."

-Oliver Twist (kinda)

Most games are more fun to play with other people. Computers have become pretty good at playing with us, but are not as much fun to tease and cajole with before and after. It's this comradery and social interaction that makes playing games with others more fun, even if you don't quite know your opponent, through game play, you get to know them.

“Games are a compromise between intimacy and keeping intimacy away.”

-Eric Berne (some Canadian guy)

Recently I have been playing a lot of Tetris on my phone (high score on Ultra - 20,092). It keeps me from calling and texting people obsessively when I am alone and lonely. If only I could play Tetris while drunk, if only.

Tons of people play video games on their phones now. In fact, almost everyone with a cell phone has a game on it that they play. The sad thing is, most people play these games when they are alone in a crowd, when they are sitting in a waiting room or on a bus, train, plane, or boat surrounded by dozens of other people.

What if there was a video game that helped people interact?

Here is the idea: A pickpocket video game that would detect other players in a certain radius of the player, via bluetooth. Players would collect money and items that other players would try to steal out from under their noses.

I could spend all day telling you various ideas for rules such as 'puzzle protectors' and 'guard dogs' to make it more exciting etc. but that would take ALL DAY. However, one aspect of the game that might make it more interesting, and would make it more profitable for the video game distributor would be the fact that people would actually pay minuscule amounts of money like five to ten cents for the items in their virtual purse or wallet.

This doesn't seem like much money? If Apple had loaded a game like this onto every iPhone for free from the beginning, there would be around 45 million people out there playing this game. If each one of those people decided to buy a virtual iPhone to put in their virtual pocket for 10cents each... Yeah, $4.5 million.

This kind of game could be designed to work on almost any phone on the market, and almost every phone on the market now has bluetooth built in for headset communication. Of course this kind of idea could easily be adapted to an existing game such as World of Warcraft, as some sort of add on.

P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. You will regret it, but like sex with an anonymous stranger.

P.P.S. I still haven't gotten a call from U2. So hurt.

P.P.P.S. Sure it won't be as fun as iBoobs, but what could be?

P.P.P.P.S. Twitter is still being misused by millions, but if there is anyone you should follow on Twitter, it's me, ideasbychuck.