Angry Birds Game Show

I am addicted to Angry Birds. I don't have an iPhone. I don't have any kind of phone that I can play it on, but I bum off of other people like my neighbor Kirsten. I can't get enough of Angry Birds. I think many of you know what I am talking about. You know. You know. You KNOW! Your hands are probably shaking right now. You want to stop reading this and start playing Angry Birds, don't you?

DON'T DO IT! Well... wait till you finish reading this.

I have heard all kinds of rumors about an Angry Birds movie, a cartoon, a video game... oh wait, it is a video game. Anyway, I have heard all these rumors, and I don't know how I feel about any of these ideas, but they got me to thinking... and you know, thinking is something I can really do.

What did I think up? What is my new idea?

Duh! The title of this post was kind of a spoiler. I think that the perfect, most amazing, expansion of the Angry Birds universe would be into a game show where families compete for fun and fabulous prizes designed for a specific demographic, prizes like jet skis.

Two families would compete, like I said, for fabulous prizes. The format would be similar to Double Dare, alternating between quiz questions and physical fun!



The quiz rounds would be to win extra ammo and extra building materials, and of course to gain extra knowledge.

After the quiz questions, families would take turns shooting weighted plush stuffed animal versions of the Angry Birds out of a giant slingshot similar to those designed for water balloons, in an attempt to crash the other family's fort filled with giant water balloons filled with slime, rigged to explode at the slightest touch.


The fun would come not only from the shooting, but the building. In each round, both families would be given building materials and time to build a fort to protect their balloons.

The building family would have to stand under a giant bird. If all of their slime balloons get destroyed, the bird poops slime all over them.

Sounds like fun right?! Don't you F'n want to travel to Nickelodeon Studios for a chance to be a contestant?!

This game doesn't have to be for kids only. Adults love to build stuff too! The show could possibly be designed in such a way where the competing teams are made up of co-workers from various small businesses. Teams would compete not just for fabulous prizes, but also to help advertise their bicycle shop, coffee shop, or adult bookstore.

People are loving these kinds of shows these days! Take this idea! Talk to the people at Rovio. Talk to the people at Nickelodeon, ABC Family, or Bravo, and make this show the cornerstone of your game show empire. Make millions of dollars... and don't forget me. Send me a little bit of money, or at least some fabulous prizes. Please.

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P.P.S. Several of my ideas have come to life in one way or another recently. You should read back through my old ideas. Just because they are my old ideas, doesn't mean they aren't new to the world. Your fortune could be buried here in my blog.

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P.P.P.P.S. If you have no idea what Angry Birds is, and you are angry at me about this idea, watch this.

Robot Wars 2.0: LEAGUE NET

Do you remember Robot Wars? Do you remember Gyromite? Do you like video games? Do you know anything about the Predator Drone? Have you read Ender's Game? If you answered yes to all of these questions, you might already have an idea as to where I am going with this. If you answered no to all of these questions, you might not be interested in this idea at all. Stop reading!

Are you still there? Fine... I'll try to recap and explain everything, so that you will see that this idea is not only brilliant and doable, but every part has been done before. What I am telling you is that this idea... this idea is kind of like putting peanut butter and chocolate together.

Robot Wars was created by George Lucas henchman, Marc Thorpe and basically consisted of moderately crappy remote control robots with pick axes and circular saws going at each other in an arena full of obstacles designed to make the battles more interesting. They turned the live event into a TV show. If you never saw it, imagine a crappy RC robot version of the movie Gladiator. It was fairly entertaining, but the cool factor wore off pretty quickly. The fact that these robots were being made in people's garages and the basements of college science buildings was part of the appeal, but also part of the downfall. Okay it's a remote controlled shop vacuum. Big deal. Furthermore, if my memory is at all accurate, the crappiest, simplest, and most boring robots always seemed to win.


Speaking of crappy robots, Gyromite was one of two crappy Nintendo games designed to be played with a crappy robot named ROB. You had to guide the crappy robot through tasks using your Nintendo controller. Like I said, the game was crappy, but the concept of controlling a robot with your video game system is key to this idea.

Remote controlling robots has been taken to the next level with devices like the Predator Drone, unmanned, remote control aircraft that the U.S. Military has been using for several years now to spy on and take out our enemies. These drones are controlled by soldiers sitting behind desks, nice and safe back at the base, just like the kids in Ender's Game, a sci-fi book series about kids in the future remote controlling fighter ships to destroy an alien race.

Man, that was a lot of nerd to unleash on you... Are you okay? Can you go on? Should we rest?

Did you catch any World Cup games? Me neither. I don't have cable, and I couldn't seem to get up early enough... Oh you want to keep going? Okay.





So, here is the idea: Team up with one of the big video game system companies, like Sony, Nintendo, or Microsoft to create a video game called Robot Wars 2.0: League Net - a robot fighting game that could be played online like so many other games these days. Sony would probably be best company to team up with, because the robots in the game need to simulations of real robots. Yeah, the robots in the game would be exactly like real life robots. You see where this is going?

I'm sure that with the backing of the Sony robotics division, you can come up with some better robots than the rest of us Homer Simpsons in our garages. These robots need to be cool and customizable- different weapons, colors, decals, wheels, etc.

Players will battle it out online every week in the virtual world with their customized robots, winning points, buying add ons, repairing damages, and having fun. At the end of the week, the players with the highest scores get a chance to battle it out live on TV (maybe G4 Network would be a good fit), controlling real life versions of their robots, right down to the decals. This would be a full on event with sponsors and prizes, but the contestants would control their robots right from their living rooms, using their familiar video game system controllers just like in the virtual world.

What have I just handed you? A hit video game and a hit TV show with a built in audience and out of control marketing and licensing opportunities. I didn't even say anything about possible government funding... Yeah... you heard me. Think about it... Plus, once you have this under your belt, and robotics advances just a little further, you will be perfectly positioned to bring the world the Robot Pillow Fighting League.

Please, please, please, when this makes you the richest person in the world, can you please remember to give me enough money to make me like the 1000th richest person in the world? Please. I promise not to park my yacht in your spot.

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Pickpocket In Your Pocket

"Please, Sir, I want some more... interesting and interactive video games that might help me meet people rather than curl up into a ball of fat and self pity on my couch."

-Oliver Twist (kinda)

Most games are more fun to play with other people. Computers have become pretty good at playing with us, but are not as much fun to tease and cajole with before and after. It's this comradery and social interaction that makes playing games with others more fun, even if you don't quite know your opponent, through game play, you get to know them.

“Games are a compromise between intimacy and keeping intimacy away.”

-Eric Berne (some Canadian guy)

Recently I have been playing a lot of Tetris on my phone (high score on Ultra - 20,092). It keeps me from calling and texting people obsessively when I am alone and lonely. If only I could play Tetris while drunk, if only.

Tons of people play video games on their phones now. In fact, almost everyone with a cell phone has a game on it that they play. The sad thing is, most people play these games when they are alone in a crowd, when they are sitting in a waiting room or on a bus, train, plane, or boat surrounded by dozens of other people.

What if there was a video game that helped people interact?

Here is the idea: A pickpocket video game that would detect other players in a certain radius of the player, via bluetooth. Players would collect money and items that other players would try to steal out from under their noses.

I could spend all day telling you various ideas for rules such as 'puzzle protectors' and 'guard dogs' to make it more exciting etc. but that would take ALL DAY. However, one aspect of the game that might make it more interesting, and would make it more profitable for the video game distributor would be the fact that people would actually pay minuscule amounts of money like five to ten cents for the items in their virtual purse or wallet.

This doesn't seem like much money? If Apple had loaded a game like this onto every iPhone for free from the beginning, there would be around 45 million people out there playing this game. If each one of those people decided to buy a virtual iPhone to put in their virtual pocket for 10cents each... Yeah, $4.5 million.

This kind of game could be designed to work on almost any phone on the market, and almost every phone on the market now has bluetooth built in for headset communication. Of course this kind of idea could easily be adapted to an existing game such as World of Warcraft, as some sort of add on.

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Pavlov's Porn Plan

This is another one of those sneaky marketing ideas that I have, and yes, once again it has to do with pornography, a field virgin only to the probing fingers of mainstream advertising and marketing. It might be wrong, but I just see so much potential. It is like Alaska for oil companies, but with no chance of killing off any ailing species.

Here is the idea: Give adult entertainment production companies such as Evil Angel and Vivid Entertainment limited rights to music from upcoming video games for use in their adult films, six months to a year ahead of release.

The soundtracks for most adult films are fairly pathetic, and I am sure that many companies would welcome free, quality music for their films.

Final Fantasy XIII would be ripe for this, because like all the other Final Fantasy games, it is sure to have a new and unique scored soundtrack (not existing pop songs). Plus, the sexuality of the main character Yuna is one of the attractions for many of the franchise's fans. Moreover, "Final Fantasy" could be easily already be a porn title.

Some of you are probably scratching your heads, or something else, and asking why. Why?

This would strengthen the association of sex with the video game for its existing fans who have seen the adult films before the game even comes out, and make TV and viral commercials for the game more effective in reaching potential buyers/players that have seen one or more of the adult films utilizing the music in the soundtrack. Classic conditioning.

Of course, you would want to keep this pretty hush. No need for anyone to put one and one together anywhere other than their subconscious.

If you are in the marketing department of one of the major video game companies (Acclaim, EA, Capcom, Sony, Square Enix, Konami, or Nintendo get on this! You should probably think about this even if you work for Adventure Soft, and if you work for the Climax Group, you should not even think twice (real companies).

Some other game franchises that this would definitely work for are Tomb Raider, Dead or Alive, Silent Hill, Zelda, Resident Evil and even Super Mario. Thats'a one'a sexy plumber!

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Rock Band Manager

There is a ton of money in the video game industry. I am not just talking out of my ass on this one. You can look it up. Billions of dollars.

A while back, I predicted to myself that video game soundtracks were going to be the last lucrative outlet for record companies and bands as far as recorded materials are concerned. Dubbing and bootlegging video games is still much harder than uploading or downloading an MP3.

Not only did some video game manufacturers recognize this fact, but they figured out how to exploit it, to own it, to dive into it like Scrooge McDuck, by creating video games such as Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

These video games have become immensely popular. People love to pretend like they are rock stars, to sing and play along with famous songs, and now, new songs from up and coming bands.

Lets take it to eleven.

Here is the idea - Rock Band Manager, an online virtual world/community very similar to the real music industry.

Bands would promote their live shows to be performed via webcam.

Bands would create flyers for their band. Paste them up in a 3-D virtual city, promote themselves on message boards etc. Moreover, there would be venues with tie ins to famous real venues such as the Roxy and a resurrected virtual CBGB.

Here is the important part. There would be real money involved.

The bands would have to pay for flyers, and any other virtual promotional tool inside the system. And, fans would have to pay a cover charge to see these shows, but no ticket price could be over a dollar, and the flyers etc. cost would be in the one tenth of a cent range.

Why is this good for Harmonix / MTV / EA? Well, they would take a cut from all ticket sales. They would make money from selling this plug in or new version of the game. They would make money selling not only flyers etc. to the bands, but advertising space in the virtual world to everyone from Allstate to Zildjian.

If you work for Harmonix, MTV, or EA games, you should try to bring this up in a meeting, or you should gather a group of your fellow programmers, quit your jobs, form a new video game company, develop this idea, sell it back to MTV and EA, and retire to a tropical island.

Everyone wants to be a rock star, but it is way more fun to be a rock star with the whole world watching.

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