Monday, February 16, 2009

Hybrid Vs. Inbred

Fair warning, this is one of my more socially conscious ideas, so no big payday. But, if you work for Tesla Motors, Toyota, Zap Cars, or any other hybrid/electric car companies, you will probably be interested in this, as you have a vested interest in seeing it happen. Listen up, and get ready to act on my unsolicited advice.

As many of you, my hundreds of millions of adoring readers, know, I am very interested in the environment. I have had several ideas about ways we could save the world from getting McDonald's to place the first franchise on the moon to candy cane chopsticks. I care about the environment and the world not dying. I care, so I think that President Barack Obama needs to invite the head honchos from NASCAR to the White House and have a little chat.

What should this chat be about? President Barack Obama needs to strongly encourage them, in Dick Cheney kind of way (guns, sticks, water and car batteries), to allow hybrid technology to be used in NASCAR race cars.


Well, the way I see it, we need some competition to get us competing again. I keep hearing Chevy touting its NASCAR win record, but you don't here them bragging about their sales records. Competition breeds innovation, and we need some innovations. We need some better cars.

Now I know some of you are having your doubts. Why should Obama get involved? Presidents don't need to get involved in sports. Won't this change the spirit of NASCAR? Do I look fat in this outfit?

In 1905, President Teddy Roosevelt extended a similar invitation to the White House to all head honchos of American Football at that time because so many men were getting seriously injured or killed playing the game. He suggested several rule changes and modern football, one of the most popular sports in the world, was born.

So you see, Obama would not be the first President of the United States to take more than a casual interest in a sport. He would be following in the footsteps of a man with a big stick. There are three big guys up in Detroit that are dying, and he might be able to save them with a few rule changes.

Here is another history lesson. NASCAR was borne from bootlegging. Bootleggers were doing whatever they could to make their cars go faster and longer and they started competing against each other. The whole point of the sport, the competition, is to make your car go faster and last longer. The drivers are athletes, but the cars are the real stars.

If you were to go back in time and tell a bootlegger that his car would go 100 more miles on one tank of gas with a hybrid engine in it, what do you think he would say? Do you think he would turn up his nose at that? No. The cop cars can't chase you if they are out of gas. Do you really think that any serious bootlegger would ignore whatever advantage he could get?

This needs to happen. I went to school where Deliverance was filmed, and let me tell you, there are some smart hicks, hillbillies, and rednecks. They just need the right kind of motivation.

A few years ago it was blasphemy to even think about Toyotas competing, but today they do. Letting hybrid technology into the mix will not stop the cars from going fast, fans from getting drunk. It will not make the promo-girl-car-models that look like they can't possibly achieve an orgasm without having at least one hand on the hood of a car during sex disappear. There will still be burgers. People will vomit, and cars will still crash.

We need to start competing if we want to compete. I don't know if I am the first person to say that. It sounds like a Yogi Berra quote, but it is true. If you are the Secretary of State, you might want to whisper this into President Obama's ear at the next cabinet meeting.

P.S. Subscribing to IdeasByChuck might just save my life.

P.P.S. I love funnel cake.

P.P.P.S. I love funnel cake, and yes you look fat in that outfit.

P.P.P.P.S. Funnel cake is so good! Why is it so good!


Anonymous said...

how about you go there and leave your idea. it is only fair as you mention him

Charles McCarthy said...


Thanks. I normally don't send crackpot letters to government officials, because I doubt they will be read and taken seriously and it therefore it is a waste of time, but because you called me out on it, I did take the time to send this email to President Obama.

Mr. President,

This link explains all I have to say, but I will give a brief overview below,

I think that it is imperative that NASCAR allows hybrid technology to be used in competitors cars. If the Big Three have to start competing on the racetrack maybe they will start competing on the sales floor.

Teddy Roosevelt basically created modern American Football because to many young men were getting hurt and killed playing it. If he hadn't stepped in, football might not even be played today.

Our auto industry is dying, and these changes would affect more than just the NASCAR drivers. Forcing these chances could force our auto manufacturers to be competitive not only on the track but in the world.

Thank you,

Chuck McCarthy

Anonymous said...

Yeah if you put all your ideas in crackpot letters directly to people you think can run with them, then we wouldn't get to enjoy them.

Plus you'd have to probably send a printed letter in order to include the genius photoshop images to places like the white house and that means you would have to print them out which is counteracts your attempts to save the environment.... and don't even get me started on the printer ink required to print the images... we all know printer ink is made from the blood of endangered baby polar bears... if you had too man good ideas the effects could be catastrophic... your brain is as dangerous for the earth as it is helpful

Anonymous said...

like that movie where Michelle Pfiere goes into an inner city school and makes these kids understand that they are not lost causes Dangerous Minds

Anonymous said...

no no you're talking about Stand and Deliver and it was Edward James Olmos who is kinda like Michele Pfiefer's twin... so i can see how you would get the movies confused

Anonymous said...

Stand and Deliver was about pizza delivery guys in the inner city not teachers

You are both wrong you're thinking of Welcome Back Kotter!!! DOY it was a show not a movie....

Anonymous said...

No no no no no no no you guys are talking about To Sir With Love starring the incomparable Sidney Poitier! He teaches a bunch of nardiwells how to be awesome.

Anonymous said...

No that's Blackboard Jungle and someone else teaches Sidney how to be awesome.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

back to the idea, though, the enjoyment of NASCAR is so visceral: the burning rubbing, the rumbling engines, the intoxicating exhaust fumes. Losing two out of three might spoil the deal, as the engines would be more Jetsons than NASCAR and the fumes, well, maybe the tinge of static electricity in the air will tickle the crowd as all those batteries zoom by.

As for the hybrid car sales, for starters definitely gonna have to make em bigger for THAT demographic...

Anonymous said...

No way, I typed burning rubbing... awesome.

Burning RUBBER... I'm gonna go put on more ointment now.