Sunday, March 1, 2009

College Satellite Radio

Recently I have been thinking about radio. Radio. Radio.

The talk radio station that I listened to closed up shop recently, and I miss it. Sure I started listening to it because I broke the antenna off my car, and it was the only station that would come in, but I had come to love it, kind of like the way Mallory almost loved Skippy that time they got trapped in the basement, or the way Karl came to understand Steve a little more that time they got trapped in a box car. You can't love what you do not know.

Now I am lost. I have actually been listening to Ryan Seacrest in the mornings. I keep hearing about a show called Kevin and Bean, but I can't seem to find it. They must not say their own name a lot, which I consider a good thing, but it is making it harder for me to figure out what channel they are on when I get in my car at 5:30am.

Anyway, I have been thinking about radio, and hearing a lot of stuff about satellite radio and how it isn't making any money. Some of you might know that XM Satellite radio was absorbed by Sirius not to long ago because they just couldn't cut it.

Why can't satellite make it? Why aren't they making cash money? Why isn't the fact that they can curse and you can hear the same person cursing anywhere in the country selling subscriptions?

Listen up Sirius and XM corporate grunts. I am going to tell you something that will help you shoot to the top of the corporate ionosphere. If you have a consulting firm, you might also want to take notes or just print this out.

Why aren't people clamoring for satellite radio?

There is not enough of a difference in the quality and the product for people to care enough to pay. Who is going to pay $10 for a slightly larger orange when the slightly smaller orange is free? Terrible analogy I know, but maybe you get it.

Here is my idea to make satellite radio a money maker: Sirius XM needs to designate 20 or so channels for crazy people, alright, not crazy people, but just anyone who wants to pay $2000 to be on the radio for a year. Give them each one hour a week to do whatever they want with.

What does this do?

First of all, it will raise over $6.7 million if all the spots are sold.

Second of all, you will instantly create a 3360 person street team, hustling, annoying, bugging, throwing tantrums, and pestering every single one of their family and friends to subscribe to satellite radio.

Third and most importantly of all, it will make better use of the advantage that satellite has over regular radio, which is the lack of censorship. Let the crazy guy get on the radio to mutter about flying saucers for an hour. Let the preacher get on and rant about God hating everyone but dogs named Sue. Let the guy with Tourett's Syndrome finally get his shot at being the Wolf Man.

Wouldn't you tell your friends about a crazy guy named Chuck with lots of crazy ideas or a radio show that consisted completely of records being played backwards?

It would be very similar to college radio or YouTube. Everyone who wants their shot gets their shot.

P.S. Subscribe to me, so you will be the first person on the block to find out my airtime on satellite radio.

P.P.S. $2000 a year is less than $40 a week, which is less than 10 packs of cigarettes in most parts of the United States.

P.P.P.S. Go watch UHF if you have any doubts.

P.P.P.P.S. Do you remember when the gang on Saved By The Bell found that radio station hidden deep inside Bayside High, or did I just imagine that?


Anonymous said...

when did kirstie alley loose all that weight... what does she have to do with radio?... her hair looks as gorgeous as ever though

Anonymous said...

People at a consulting firm DO NOT PRINT THIS OUT!!!! (shaking head) and in your last post you claim to care about the environment but your encouraging people to contribute to the unvironment.

Did you know every time someone prints out an email a white owl gets displaced from it's woodland home.

That's why I warn people at the bottom of all my emails not to print it... it's right below my signature,it automatically appears. It used be a snappy Dorothy Parker quote but i thought keeping white owls off the streets was way more important then letting everyone know I'm no bimbo, i'll Roslin Russell their ass if some shmo tries to step.

Anonymous said...

this radio idea is a good one!

what about including a reality show where 20 people are given their own show or station to host or run and one is voted off every week. So you see them putting together their show during the TV show but to actually listen to it you have to subscribe. Each could stand alone but reality shows exist so we can judge others so listening to them flim-flam on the radio after watching them be an asshole of the TV would be worth a couple buck to a lot of people.

then when it's all said and done the winner gets a show on serius xm. So now there is an audience wanting to continue to follow this person.... if people shelled out money for a clay akin cd they will follow anyone on TV to the gates of hell

Anonymous said...

I hope kirstie alley got thin again to resurrect the Look Who's Talking franchise... please tell me that picture of her on this post is recent!!!
I love Look Who's Talking
i love when things that don't talk in real life talk... LOVE IT!

I don't know why i love it so much but i do

Anonymous said...

you probably love it because they say some funny stuff

here is an idea for a new Look Who's Talking movie:

the franchise joins forces with national lampoons for

Look Who Won't Shut the Fuck Up

in this movie we see little Mikey go off to college. One problem, he's there to learn but his penis has a mind of it own, not only a mind of it's own but a voice of it's own. So Mikey's penis is talking and you can imagine the shinnanigans and awkward attempts at physical comedy that ensue.

Unknown said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK! FUCK THAT SELF ABSORBED SELF PROMOTING ENVIRO"MENTAL"ST. The white owls have been put on notice, they have dominated long enough, we have to knock them off to make space for all the minority owls anyway. Dorthy Parker would be embarrassed to have her good name associated with this idiot. Who, I say Who Who do you think you are anyway?!

Anonymous said...

Replace the Saved by the Bell dudes with the Saved by the Bell girls posing topless and I'm all for this idea. Otherwise, I think it'll crash and burn like Liz Berkeley in Showgirls. Unless you have her on your radio show, then it's a hit again. Unless you follow that up with Mario and Zach, topless or not, then it's just sad.

Tim Mendez said...

so this is ideas by chuck...i met you working on the universal studios commercial a few months i
'm tim....anyway, i just remembered about your blog so i figured I'd peep it, you got some good ones, check out my blog when you get a chance

cheers bro

Mitchell said...

Sorry to crash the radio idea but how does one contact Chuck outside of this method? I noticed he has the wishful thinking that people will use his ideas and then if they strike it rich, share the love. I am not that person, but those people might want to contact him as well. Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

i think its a brilliant idea. 20 channels might be a lot? maybe not? maybe $2000 per half hour? anyway... the point is well taken and i hope they go with it! i would love to have a radio show. i would gladly pay to have one. and talk about the best way to get a free street team, wait, no, a street team that is even paying them at XM! great one!

Anonymous said...

Isn't podcasting already embodying your idea, for free (both on the producing and consuming ends)?

I think satellite radio is on the same track as printed press :)