Sunday, March 15, 2009

Rosetta Bone

Do you want to make money? Do you want to bring the world closer together, I mean really CLOSER together? Do you want to facilitate and encourage learning? Do you really want to make money? Do you want to make lots of money?

One summer I was lucky enough to be part of a study abroad program in Italy. I lived in Cortona, Italy, a small walled city made famous by the book "Under The Tuscan Sun." I ate, drank, danced, studied art, made love, and summoned from the bricks and stones of this ancient city on a hill the spirits of my ancestors around me like a magical cloak of destiny. Yeah, I drank a ton.

While I was there, I came across some Italian pornography that was laid out like a live action comic book, with narration boxes as well as thought and dialog bubbles guiding the reader through hardcore erotic adventures.

A scholar at heart, I set about translating these stories. Would Rocco figure out where Sophia had hidden his keys? I wanted to know, and though the plot lines were less than complex, they were more than titillating. You know what I mean.

It was at this time that I first started thinking about an erotic language learning system, and so this idea was born:

Rosetta Bone, an erotic language learning system.

If you don't see how amazing this idea is, let me give you some hardcore reasons that this idea will lead you to be showered in gold (not to be confused with a golden shower).

First, porn plot lines are simple and repetitious just like every language learning system. If you have to hear about Federica getting a dress for the school dance, getting ready for the dance, going to the dance, dancing at the dance, leaving the dance, and remembering how great the dance was, wouldn't you at least like to see Federica get double teamed by Luca and Anthony after the dance?

Second, learning while in a state of arousal and through multiple modes of stimulation has been proven time and time again to be the most effective way to learn. If you don't believe me, you can go do some research on your own. This Northwestern University study might be a good place to start.

Third, most people going to another country for a short or long period of time want to know how to get three things accomplished in the native tongue: get food, find a bathroom, and get sex. All porn is, is eating, swallowing, and, well I won't go on with that, but if you don't get the idea...uhh...uhh...you probably shouldn't be reading this.

Speaking purely to the making money aspect of this whole thing, people love porn. Your system could be totally worthless and ineffective on the language learning side, but if it is hot porn, people will still pay money to see it.

Carpe Denari!

P.S. You should subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. I don't get a portable TV, Garfield phone, or a trip to Epcot Center for getting a certain number of subscribers. I just don't want you to miss my next big idea.

P.P.S. You should start with Latin. Why? Cause it's the HARDEST!

P.P.P.S. Talk Dirty: Spanish and similar titles are already a bestsellers. This is not a big leap.

P.P.P.P.S. Don't you want to know what those Dutch chicks are saying? Don't you? REALLY! Make this idea reality!

8 comments:

Henry Horker said...

THIS IS NOT ONLY A PROFITABLE IDEA, BUT A POTENTIAL BOON TO CIVILIZATION AS A WHOLE!!

Anonymous said...

the part that worries me is having to learn about the sexual cultures of other countries, namely shaving, or lack thereof.

Anonymous said...

Finely someone put the cunnalingus in linguist! Chuck you are a true genius. Sex not only sells, it is definitely a fantastic teaching tool (with your tool).

Daisy said...

Finely someone put the cunnalingus in linguist! Chuck you are a true genius. Sex not only sells, it is definitely a fantastic teaching tool (with your tool).

Omnipotent Poobah said...

So where did Rocco put the keys?

Anonymous said...

you don't need to know dutch to know what those chicks are saying.."fuck, is that an eel or part of an octopus? I really gotta stop doing drugs."

Anonymous said...

To emphasize the genius of this idea look at all the horny teenage (and I'm sure some adult) boys learning Japanese just so they can read their Anime in the original language.
Hey we could learn a lot from the sexual cultures of other countries. Shaving is overrated but I digress

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