Monday, April 20, 2009

America's Goth Talent

Do you feel as if the spirit of Amalasuntha has forsaken you? Well, you aren't the only one. But thy luck is bound to change before the feast of the Beltane, if you are able to sell NBC on my new show idea: America's Goth Talent.

Sure, you might think that there are enough talent shows on TV right now what with American Idol, America's Got Talent, Dancing With The Stars, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, Who Wants To Be A Super Hero, and many others already on the air, but you would be wrong (sorry). None of these talent shows showcase talents such as ritualistic mutilation, suicide poetry, channeling demons, or endurance crying. There would be some crossover acts such as contortionists, sword swallowers, and flame jugglers, but really this would be the only place for many talented youngsters to shine, in a dark and brooding way of course.

I am not going to pretend that there haven't been shows before that have given us a glimpse into this world. Ripley's Believe It Or Not! hosted by Dean Cane definitely shined a sallow light into the dark underworlds of the goth subculture, but the it lacked the elements of competition and soul raping that the other competition shows reap and sow with every waning moon. Plus, Dean Cane, though a nice guy I am sure, came off as irrelevant, disconnected, and douchey as the host. I guess there was supposed to be a juxtaposition between Mr. Perfect and the freak-show, but it always just struck me as awkward.

I would tap Jim Rose to host the show. He has a little bit of experience with this kind of thing, and I think he can juggle.

One selling point that you can use when approaching NBC is the fact that they can use the same set and judges for America's Goth Talent as America's Got Talent. All they have to do is put some fake cobwebs up and use more spot lighting. David Hasselhoff already kind of looks like an old elven woman, the other guy has the British accent that all goth kids wish they had, and Sharon Osbourne is already practically a goth goddess.

Advertisers and sponsors would include the surgical stainless steal industry, leather, any cosmetic companies who sell cheap black eyeliner, gothic teddy bear manufacturers, colored contact manufacturers, fang manufacturers, and journal makers.

P.S. Subscribe to ideas by chuck, or I will send the demons of hell after you. Just kidding... or am I?

P.P.S. If you want to hear about the most boring and inane moments of my life, click here.

P.P.P.S. Marilyn Manson's song The Dope Show would be the perfect theme song for the show. Not just because Marilyn Manson is a major goth icon, but because it is one of his only songs that I have ever been able to listen to all the way through, and it is actually pretty catchy.


Anonymous said...

I love this I idea!!

.... Or I mean I hate it cos I think in gothics (Goth ethics and logic) if you hate something it somehow becomes more valuable ... Or the emotion of hate and sadness carries more power, weight and importance than love and happiness... Or something like that... I don't really understand it, I just know trying to relate is like the the adult equivalent of when you played opposites as a kid.

Anonymous said...

it made me think....
How about a show called America's Got Talent Dysmorphia.

It's sort of an American Idol meets Joe Millionaire.... Through an idol style "talent" search people are selected based on the chasm between their actual talent and their perceived talent, as well as their over all delusions grandeur.... Some maybe mildly talented but it's more about the dispersion and their sense of entitlement.

The contestants will compete over the course of the show and be put in scenarios that unmask their thirst for fame over quality of work and love of music and singing. They will have to sacrifice quality for success.

At the end it's revealed that this was more of a values test.

Cos a majority of the success of reality TV is based on an audiences desire to judge and feel superior to the people they are watching..... which ironically comes from the same place as most people's drive for fame.

And of course the mind blowing double-inside-out-inverted irony that these people would become mildly famous as a result.