Sunday, October 25, 2009

Toilet Terraforming

Lately, I've been working on tons of different projects, but every day I take time out to think, to ponder, to touch my oversoul... to think and reflect in my own way.

Where do I take this time? Do I go to the woods, to nature, as suggested by the traditional Transcendentalists?


No. I do my pondering on a much smaller pond than Thoreau's Walden. I do most of my really deep thinking in the same place and position as most of you... on the toilet.

Recently, I was philosophizing, and the oversoul reached out and touched me... Not like that! No... but it did touch me... deep down, and this idea came to me, this idea that has to be my single most viable and marketable idea to date. It combines two things that people love: gardening and pooping. Moreover, this idea promises to enrich and simplify people's lives with minimal effort. Everything I just said can be summed up with one symbol: $

What is this brilliant idea?


A planter that replaces the lid on the back of your toilet, allowing you to grow flowers or herbs in your bathroom, allowing you to get in touch with nature while you are getting in touch with your crossword puzzle, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, and your deep philosophical ponderings.

I know. I know. You have no gardening skills at all. You have killed everything from ficus to ferns, from daisies to daffodils. You either overwater or forget to water your plants. Here in lies the beauty of this idea, you never have to water these plants! A wick hanging down into the toilet reservoir soaks up just the right amount of water to keep your bathroom garden perfectly watered.


Think about it. You could have a little herb garden or wonderful smelling flowers growing in your bathroom, acting as living potpourri. Try telling me people don't like potpourri. Go ahead try. You can't! People don't just like potpourri, they love the word, "potpourri." Next time you go to a party, drop the word, "potpourri," and see what happens.

Are you a naysayer? Do you think this idea won't sell? Try telling that to the guys who invented the Chia Pet. They will laugh in your face, take this idea, and make another couple of million dollars, because the price points are perfect and this idea has that kitschy quirky "it factor."

In my research for this, I came across a self contained herb garden selling for $180.00. If there are people out there dropping that kind of cash on herbs that you can't smoke, then I know you can move at least a million units of the Toilet Gardener® for $19.95 at Walgreens or $59.99 at Brookstone.

Don't let the Chia Pet guys laugh in your face. Take this idea and make millions of dollars with it... and send me some of that money, or at least a complimentary Toilet Gardener®, so I can rename my toilet, Chuck's Pond.

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P.P.P.S. I have a movie script about vampires. Vampires are so hot right now. If you are the head of a major studio or a not so major studio looking for some new vampire blood, let me know.

P.P.P.P.S. As you can see, I did find one reference to a retro toilet designed to hold a plant, but I am sure that the self watering mechanism was not a part of their design, and that is the genius part of this idea.

7 comments:

mmk said...

chuck, what about the light source? Not all bathrooms provide sufficient light...

Charles McCarthy said...

There are many plants that grow happily in low light conditions.

Also, there are plenty of UV/natural light bulbs out there, not quite grow lights, but a happy medium.

Moreover, this could be the perfect gift to give along with a new skylight.

All of this depends on what you want to grow on the back of your toilet... Got it there Cheech?

forecaster said...

true brilliance chuck! instead of foul odors, one can enjoy the beautiful fragrance of flowers. i am converting my toilet as i write.

leahshea said...

So, out of curiosity (and a ridiculous desire to have my own toilet garden), have you encountered any other toilet gardeners? And how is your garden growing? With silver bells and cockle shells? For real though... did you kill it? Did you encounter any problems/issues I should know about before leaping into the realm of toilet gardening?

love, Leah

Evangeline said...

What about drainage for the container?

Anonymous said...

Maybe something like ivy? It's not flowering, but it's still green, and impossible to kill, even in little light (I did a project on it once, and after a year or so it turned almost white, but didn't die). You could market it as giving off oxygen, which might make your bathroom smell better.

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