Everything has a silver lining. The BP oil spill is no exception. Millions, if not billions of dollars are being made by PR firms, advertising agencies, and media distributors in BP's attempts to save their image. Oil companies and the US government were forced to take Kevin Costner seriously. Furthermore, though I have no data to back this up, I am sure that chocolate animal sales have gone through the roof. Now it's your turn to join the silver lining of one of the worst ecological disasters in US history, so get pumped... get oil pumped! 
As some of you know, I'm an artist. I'm actually a pretty good artist. It's true. No really... seriously. Fine! You don't have to believe me. It is not important, because you don't have to be a great artist, a good artist, or have any artistic talent at all to make this idea work.
What's the idea?
Collect oil from the BP oil spill, and use it to paint giant black and brown depressing paintings... oil paintings. Then you can have a show in cooperation with someone like Greenpeace or the Audobon Society and donate a portion of the sales to helping clean up the oil spill. You will have people eating out of your hands.
Rich people love art that means something. Rich people love art that has a story behind it, especially a depressing story that makes them feel like they have experienced something more terrible than a chemical peel. Rich people love to feel like they are helping solve problems by drinking wine, looking fabulous, and buying things to fill up their mansions.
The most important thing about making this idea a success and launching your art career is giving the show an important and meaningful name and naming the pieces accordingly. Lucky for you, you know me, and I have some ideas for names.
Show titles:
Oil Paintings
Deepwater Poison
Screams of the Sea
Oil and Water
Red Black & Brown
Painting titles:
sad sea
death of a bird
bird fish dead
black gold: black death
crying over spilled oil
The really genius part of this whole thing is that you can probably get BP to buy a bunch of these paintings by telling them that one of their competitors such as Exxon is interested in buying several of them.
Do this. Become a famous artist. Make tons of money and send me some.
P.S. My mom isn't subscribed to Ideas By Chuck, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be. Click here.
P.P.S. All of my art is packed with meaning and stories, so if you are a rich person, you should buy some of it.
P.P.P..S. Did you ever think that someone would put millions of dollars into a project involving Kevin Costner and the ocean again? Also, did you know that Water World cost more money to produce than the NASA Mars Rover program.
P.P.P.P.S. I actually liked Water World. Dennis Hopper was always an amazing villain.
10 comments:
That's super brilliant.
It's almost too brilliant to give away. I suggest you get to the Gulf, get your hands on some of that oil & do your own art show here. It would be fucking amaze-mas.
If you want to drive to the Gulf with me, I'll do it.
BETTER YET!
Really obvious contradictions is one of the corners stones of modern art (post Kinkade) people think it's smart and edgy, paint a picture of Mickey Mouse finger banging Ronald McDonald and you got yourself instant cred for having something to say.... without really saying much.
So i suggest doing some really happy beautiful paining with the oil instead of depressing ones.
People LOVE really obvious diegesis in their art and wealthy art patrons will be lining up to PhilathroPISS their money away on that shit for sure. They're think it's clever.
They can use phrases like "a playful indictment". They can talk about making something beautiful out of something ugly (like your post suggests)etc etc.... they get a good looking piece that will look good with their furni and get to be globally, politically minded and some what subversive
HOLY SHIT! my bathtub and toilet are making noises and filling up with water
gotta go
also do something super gimmicky like pricing the pieces based on the price of oil at the time of the show..... so say the price of oil is $80 a barrel at the time....
a painting you use a quart of oil on, you charge 64,500 and then a painting you use 2 quarts on you charge 129,000
people love a seemingly poignant gimmick!
Also you should name the show
CRUDE
you know, with the beautiful pictures
Ronald McDonald Duck Covered in Oil
name a piece that
Ronald McDonald Duck Covered in Oil on Canvas
haaaa
scratch my name suggestion of Crude.... just found out there is already a documentary about a bunch Ecuador citizens suing Cheveron for dumping oil into the Amazon. It's pretty good, you should check it out.... think of what's going on now on a smaller scale and done purposefully
no bueno
im still 100% behind his art gimic though, just needs a different name now
are you actually making a living out of this? Put your shirt back on.
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